Go Cheney Yourself, Joe

The most charitable possible reading of whatjust went down isScalzi’s:

LIEBERMAN looks around at the other men in the room, who stare at him impassively. Finally, LIEBERMAN sighs, reaches down into his pants, and detaches his TESTICLES. He raises them up to look them, wistfully, then moves to offer them to OBAMA.


No. Give them to Carl.

OBAMA nods toward one of the Secret Service agents, who is holding up a lunch-sized paper bag. LIEBERMAN drops the TESTICLES into the bag. CARL quickly folds the top of the bag over twice, three times, and once the TESTICLES are secure, hands the bag to OBAMA, whose takes it without looking, having kept his eyes on LIEBERMAN. OBAMA raises the bag, still looking at LIEBERMAN.


These are mine now. I’m keeping them for the next four years. I’m going to keep them in a drawer in the White House desk. And if at any time in the next four years there’s so much as a hint that you might do something to displease or oppose me, then I’m going to take them out, and then I’m going to take this –

(OBAMA raises a large rubber mallet he’s been hiding behind his back)

– and I’m going to turn them into pate, which I will then feed to Malia and Sasha’s puppy. Or maybe I’ll just skip all of that and give them to Rahm.


(eyes widening in abject terror at the thought of what RAHM EMANUEL might do to the TESTICLES, if given a chance)

That’s not going to be necessary, sir.


15 thoughts on “Go Cheney Yourself, Joe

  1. It’s what I’d like to think, that it reads as a power play by Obama rather than an abject failure on the part of Congress.
    (sips Koolaid nervously)

  2. Another possible reading is that if Lieberman doesn’t straighten up as Homeland (god, I hate that term) chair, they can strip him *then*, with the ability to claim that it had nothing to do with retribution and everything to do with quality of governance.
    As I see it, the best outcome is that Lieberman does his damnedest to get back in everybody’s good graces, and becomes a better Democrat than he was when he was a Democrat. (My kinder, gentler twist on the testicle scenario)
    But I’m not placing any bets on that.

  3. No, alas, it didn’t happen that way and it never will happen that way. They all went into a closed room and pretended to take a vote while slapping joe on the back and saying “forget those Katrina victims, now you can concentrate on fucking over obama and the rest of us dems in peace and quiet. Sorry we had to put you through the charade of even pretending for one moment that you, or we, had any principles at all.”

  4. With Lieberman in good standing with the Democrats, they have a much improved chance for passing closure of debate resolutions and stopping Repub filibusters. Simple.

  5. Such a sweet picture you paint. Lieberman must know deep in his heart that he isn’t one tenth of the man Obama is. While Lieberman failed to become either VP or President in his two campaigns and after a long history of public service, Obama won the victory he never could attain.

  6. hoppy, I would agree with that if I believed at any point that Lieberman would vote with Dems to stop a Republican filibuster, instead of going on the Today show and talking about how for the good of the country we all have to take it up the ass from our GOP friends again.
    I’m sorry, I don’t trust the little creep. If Senate Dems had stronger spines, they wouldn’t trust him either.

  7. i don’t like it, but i do hope obama has the upper hand. he does have a bully pulpit, lieberfuckenputz has Fux gnews.
    joemental better act like a democrat.

  8. Much as I like Scalzi’s scenario, and can hope that it is true, I think it is more likely that HoJo has Reid, Durbin, et al’s testicles in a sack in HIS desk drawer. He certainly seems to be the one with the power here.

  9. It is certainly hard to understand Lieberman’s hold on the Democratic senators. After defeating the Democratic candidate for the Senate, he then began to act as a Repub in everything but name. Then, he spoke disparagingly of our new Democratic President throughout the campaign, while never leaving the side of the Repub candidate. It does seem that something in that litany would have rubbed the Democratic senators wrong. But, Obama still loves him, so I guess that is good enough for me.

  10. In the new spirit of bipartisanship, the next person who tells me to chill the fuck out because Obama’s got this is going to get BOTH my feet up their ass.

  11. If being partisan is so bad then do away with political parties. Until then some amount of partisanship is to be expected from, you know, partisans.
    I can see how Obama was in a pinch on this one because you don’t want your first act to be retribution but what about Dodd and Kerry? Dodd ran for President THIS YEAR, the same year that Joe Lieberman said the Democratic Party was the party of surrender to terrorists. And Dodd’s out in front defending Lieberman? Have a little self-respect.
    There were a lot of options here that weren’t an in your face rebuke of Lieberman. Call it a reshuffling. Change the dysfunctional Senate culture a bit. If Byrd can get pushed out of Appropriations then Lieberman sure as hell can get shuffled out of Homeland Security. Give Lautenberg his seniority back. Give Boxer Homeland Security and Lieberman EPW.
    I hate that this is all secret squirrel and I hate that plain yogurt types like Carper and Reid were going around telling everybody how pissed off they were at Lieberman. Just tell people the truth instead of making the first act of the Senate feeding the most loyal part of your base a line of BS.

  12. The whole thing stinks to high heaven. Holy Joe needed to be the one rolled. I had hoped for more than the “slap on the wrist” he got given the clear drubbing Joe’s friends took two Tuesday’s ago. But alas, the vote did not change the limp-a**ed Senate Dem caucus we enlarged TWO YEARS AGO.
    I can hardly wait for Kyl-Lieberman Part Deux.
    Any bets on when Joe’s Homeland Security and GOVERNMENTAL AFFAIRS Committee will hold their first hearing into the incoming Administration’s handling of“fill in the blank”?? My money is by the end of February and before all Cabinet officials are confirmed. How ’bout any bets on having more than 13 Dems say they voted against this jacka**??
    P.O.’d SP

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