Mr. A and I have a bet going. Not really a bet. More like a prediction game. A depressing one. A depressing prediction game that’s also kind of a drinking game, except that we can’t do it for more than one newscast or we’ll go blind.
Game goes like this. Is tonight’s HEALTHBEAT or YOUR HEALTH or whatever asinine “medical” segment the affiliate comes up with going to be about a) liposuction b) fad diets or c) erectile dysfunction, or will they pull a wild card and go with a breast enlargement story just so they can say the word BREAST on TV in that ponderous Anchorman voice?
Seriously, try it with your local news sometime. It’s instructive. Tonight we both lost, because the story was abouthow to get really awesome eyelashes:
The real thing is hard to beat. But now there may be a way to get lashes to grow on their own, no matter what your age.
Never mind the fact that eyelashes have a real purpose – to protect the eye from dust and other foreign particles. Eyelashes, for many people, are also a symbol of beauty. But as we age, eyelashes seem to grow scarce.
So it’s no wonder women are now batting their eyes at an anti-glaucoma medication with the unusual side effect of making lashes grow. But, how safe is it?
Apparently it’s not so unsafe that the TV station felt uncomfortable appending the contact info for a doctor who will give it to you, as well as the manufacturer’s web site, at the end of the “health” story.
I mean, I’m sorry, I know I’m supposed to be off killing journalism with my lack of attribution and my shaky ethical standards and all, but either we are radically redefining what “health” means to include cosmetics or there really is a problem in the world in that while millions are dying of AIDS, millions are also suffering from stubby, pale eyelashes.