Do Not Put Ferret in Woodchipper

I love these care tips. It’s like, “interact with your ferret every day.” WHOASHIT I HAD NO IDEA. Mine do not give me the option of NOT interacting with them. Right now I’m eating cold chicken for breakfast and they’re standing on my feet.

A.

11 thoughts on “Do Not Put Ferret in Woodchipper

  1. Doc says:

    Tip 11: Allowing ferret to lick an electrical outlet will not turn it into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger
    Tip 12: Discipline ferret appropriately when it attempts to take hostages at the bank.
    Tip 13: Do not allow ferret to vote Republican, regardless of how much it whines.
    Tip 14: When you throw ferret in the corner, if you hear the them music from “The Incredible Hulk” starting to play and notice ferret has begun to turn green, run.
    Tip 15: Ferrets do not belong on the Springer Show. Don’t let them convince you this is a good idea.
    Tip 16: If ferret tortures and kills chipmunks for fun, ignore it. Ferrets will be ferrets. There is no risk this will turn into ferret-cidal behavior or that your ferret is a serial killer.
    Tip 17: Remember, the ferret is a family member. Be sure to bore the hell out of it with stories about co-workers who are trying to destroy your career at “Weiner-Rama” too! Otherwise, it might feel left out.
    Tip 18: Ferrets are like children. Make sure you use the TV to babysit them, feed them fast food and tell them frequently how you could have done so much more with your life if they hadn’t been used to trap you into this shitty domestic life.
    Tip 19: If you find your ferret is in the closet, make sure to tell the ferret you still love it. Then ask it if it would like to bring its partner to Thanksgiving dinner.
    Tip 20: If the ferret ends up going through the washer and dryer after hiding in the laundry, blame the dog.
    Ah, yes, it’s Tuesday and I don’t want to do any work…
    Doc

  2. GentillyGirl says:

    Wondering if our kittehs are actually ferrets in disguise.

  3. Dan says:

    The cluelessnessis exquisite: (emphasis mine)

    about this [AP news editor Ted Bridis] is sure. “You can’t just taken an entire AP wire feed or even an entire AP story, or even half of an AP story, necessarily, and republish it or repurpose it,” he said.“We need the money. The industry is falling apart.”

    Well then by all means start filing lawsuits! We had no idea youneeded the money! That clears everything up! Just think of all the troubled indistries that have sued their way to profitability!

  4. BlakNo1 says:

    Do not taunt Happy Fun Ferret.

  5. liprap says:

    Ferret psychologists available for your ferret’s every emotional need. Treatment options include obstacle courses, instant toymaking, and nooks and crannies in which the darlings can sleep for hours without being disturbed.

  6. Elspeth R says:

    BlakNo1 – You beat me to the Super Happy Funball ref!:)
    Cheers! 🙂
    Elspeth

  7. pansypoo says:

    GG, kittens are a seperate insane species. sure they are adorable, but i much prefer my kittens growded up.

  8. left rev. says:

    “Do not put ferret in woodchipper”
    Way to screw up my evening plans 🙁

  9. tata says:

    I fear for the chicken.

  10. BlakNo1 says:

    Elspeth, I wuz afraid someone would beat me to it. : )

  11. Stormcrow says:

    Well, A, any time you see the phrase “10 Tips”, or “Top 10”, or anything similar, in the title of just about any story about anything, it’s a pretty safe bet the author pulled the “story” out of his ass in order to fill up column inches.

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