‘Palin Junior’

Sweet Jesus. The fracking ZOO?

Wow! What a great turn-out for the Zoo Rally yesterday despite the
heat. Thank you for coming; thank you for not being deterred to stand
for Truth.

The zoo is just one example where God has been
dishonored. We have all observed other areas in our city where He is
dishonored as well. Why is it we have no problem allowing in anything
and everything except God?”

Tulsa readers, and you know who you are, can you please straighten this shit out?

Also: You already have God. You’ve got God on the corner where the church is, you’ve got God walking around with you, those of you who have a personal relationship with Buddy Christ and talk to him daily are not going to get any official argument from anybody until you get in their faces about it. God already isallowed. And by allowed, what these narcissistic twits really mean is “in the news as much as discrimination against minority religions and gay people,” which, good luck, because you’re already home free, guys.

You can rent an apartment while being a Christian, and not get thrown out of the building for it. You can get a job as a Christian, and not get fired for it. You can get married as a Christian, and tell everybody all about it, and post videos and pictures online and nobody will say boo. In fact, people will leave little sparkly “have a blessed day!” .gifs all over your fucking MySpace about it. You can go on TV and talk all day long about your Christianity and the worst thing that might happen is somebody on the Internet might call you a sanctimonious asshole.

Which, sticks and stones.

Figuratively, unlike, say, Matthew Shepard.

And you know, speaking of people who were killed for who they are, there are places in the world where Christians are actually persecuted and killed, so maybe not so much with the drama about the unbearable pain of not being able to put up signs in the Zoo. Talk about the petty problems of Consumer Christians. Goddamn.

Pun intended.

I swear, some of these nutballs were never taught the important lesson that not everybody has to like you (or your flavor of Jesus) for you to be okay. All kinds of God already is allowed. You just have to suck it up and tolerate the existence of somebody, somewhere, who might not think like you do. Most of us get to that point of willful obliviousness by, say, second grade. Maybe it’s just me. After all, I did spend a lot of time at the zoo as a kid.


ps. How is the Zoo dishonoring God? Have the gay penguins been recruiting again? Was a lion born with a rainbow mane? What?

13 thoughts on “‘Palin Junior’

  1. I want to make a snarky statement about rabbits behaving like rabbits.
    I wonder though if someone put up a sign saying that someone’s flipper evolved from an arm, etc. Or perhaps a poster about global warming?
    Or did someone want to erect a 30 ft glow-in-the-dark cross and get refused?
    But to me, one of the demonstrations of God’s glory is the breadth of creation. So I’m really at a loss.

  2. But to me, one of the demonstrations of God’s glory is the breadth of creation.
    Yes. On top of everything else, this bullshit is REDUNDANT.

  3. Yes, Pansypoo – but the freakz out there now are swearing he wants them all to beat down doors if necessary to get every little soul fer Gahhd’s army. And they also believe that far from being the humble, poor carpenter, Jesus was actually MONSTROUSLY wealthy and had rich widows flinging money at him. I found out this big ‘switcheroo’ from my small scale Methodist past when I got into it at the salon w/a “non-Denominational Xtian” who is one of the Cult of Osteen when the case against Pastor (ha!) Victoria (the one w/the overprocessed hair and the runaway bride-eyes) was thrown out – about Victoria throwing a stinker of a disruptive fit over some water droplets on her F/C seat on the flight to Colorado over Xmas. The so-called Christian woman cooed w/glee. I called her on the whole “what were the pastors doing flying First Class for, anyway? That money could have gone to help needy families?!” She retorted that they DESERVE to fly it. And that since they have all invested their ‘seed money’ that all of them (at the Cult of Osteen) will get their financial reward a (x-number, can’t recall, my head was swimming)!!! My hope is their ‘moneeze’ tanked BIG time end of the year. But I asked about the whole Christian Modesty meme and that he was but a simple man, in sandals and basic attire… Ohhh nooooo, she shrieked back to me and went on w/the whole rich widows and how wealthy he was and his home was a mansion… Um, beeyotch, rly? The whole “My house has many rooms” bit…yeah, it’s a metaphor, it’s not a listing in the pre-Crucifixion MLS guide…
    I was soooo disgusted with this woman banging on about how being greedy was good in Gahhd’s eyes and that Jeebus would cheer her on. I about threw up on her shoes.
    I guess w/the right amount of dental veneers and snazzy suits, anyone can build a pulpit and declare that Big Daddy, Junior & the Spook want you to be fuckin’ Croesus and to heck with the little guys, you don’t pay, you don’t play.
    I should have mumbled an incantation at the bitch and watched her wig out. But my haircolor needed to be rinsed.
    Sorry I rambled…

  4. If their magical beliefs were really true, doesn’t it seem likely that Jesuswould have already come back, just to dope-slap these people?
    Apart from that, maybe Jesus just made a big boo-boo by mandating that his followers spread the Gospel (if he was omniscient, why didn’t he see television coming?). The combination of evangelism and television really has made a caricature of the religion–at least as compared to its explication in the founding text.
    Still, this determination toward expression of Christianity in all aspects of life is the result of that mandate to spread the Gospel. That the Christianity being expressed today is a cross-branded bastard of televised evangelism, the Republican Party, radical conservatism and corporate oligarchy might be another matter…

  5. Along this thread, one of the best lines I’ve ever read is ‘Don’t pray in my school and I won’t think in your church’. Too bad we don’t have a zoo. If these types tried that here I’d tear down their displays when no one was looking.

  6. The zoo has dishonored christianity by refusing to have a creation exhibition. We are pretty used to this s*** here in Oklahoma. Sally Kern, Tom Coburn, Jim Inhofe, you get the idea.
    I used to feel the need to apologize but it is so ingrained here that it’s who we are. We are proud of being ignorant hicks.

  7. But that “important lesson” isn’t important to a lot of fundamentalists or rather, it’s important because it’s the exact opposite of what they HAVE been taught. Their God, in their flavor and size IS the only true one, is what they’ve been taught. Also, that it’s their duty to let everyone else know.
    Which, of course, is bullshit.

  8. I’m really puzzled how a zoo could make a creation exhibit. Even taking Genesis literally, the most they could do is put a number saying what day they were created on (and weren’t all the furry animals created on the same day?)

  9. Scientists have got to get on that rainbow maned lion right away. That would be AWESOME!

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