Shorter Fox Barbie Dolls: Life is Haaarrrrrrd!

Oh, God, the whining:

“It sucks,” says Democratic direct-mail consultant Liz Chadderdon, a
regular on the network. “It is very, very tough to be a Democrat on
Fox.”

During an October 2007 hit on “The Factor,” Chadderdon referred to the
detainees at Guantanamo Bay as “victims.” It was a verbal faux pas, and
she knew it. But no sooner did she get off the air than she received a
death threat — the first of a handful she says she’s received after
appearing on Bill O’Reilly’s Fox show.

More recently, Chadderdon has been invited to talk business with Fox’s
Neil Cavuto — on the main network and on the two-year-old Fox Business
Network — even though she readily admits that she has no background in
economics.

“Speaking about those issues is not my forte,” said Chadderdon. “And I’m getting the tar kicked out of me.”

So why does she keep doing it? For pretty much the same reason Willie
Sutton robbed banks. Fox is where the viewers are — No. 1 in the
prime-time news ratings and drawing more than twice as many viewers on
weeknights as either MSNBC or CNN.

“You know how I know nobody watches CNBC?” said Chadderdon. “I compared
the pope to my 11th-grade algebra teacher, and nobody sent me a
letter.”

[Yes, I know it’s a Politico link, I do it to mock but I still feel kind of icky over there.]

You know, if you don’t like being an assbag sellout, there’s a very easy way to avoid that. QUIT BEING ONE. It’s hard talking about economics? THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP. God Almighty I will take this chick’s paycheck any day of the week. I get that having people say mean things to you is really tough, and stressful, and whatnot, and that Sean Hannity is like a penis with a toupee on, but can you not make it out like you’re in a concentration camp for five seconds?

Right now Fox is presently making buckets of money and you want some of that money. I may think that’s a shitty reason to get up in the morning but hey, what the fuck do I know? It’s not my life you’re living so go on Fox and admit you want the money, but when Politico calls you asking if your life is rough these days answer something like this:

“Rough? Rough? Seriously, you overwrought garden weasels? Rough is working two jobs in order to give your kids Christmas presents. Rough is teaching sixth grade in a school where the boiler doesn’t work so your students are wearing their parkas in math class. Rough is praying every day your car makes it through one more winter before the engine falls out because another disaster right now would break you financially. Rough is hoping that nagging pain in your side goes away because you can’t go to the doctor. Rough is sending out 400 resumés in one year and not getting a single interview.

“Rough is getting your ass shot off in the desert and coming home to sleep in a hospital room full of mold. Rough is resurfacing highways. Rough is the credit card bill. Rough is what people in this country live with every single day and rough is exactly how Fox News wants to keep it so its overlords can keep going to cocktail parties and hawking their books about Why You Suck and I Don’t, so how about you ask me another question because that one makes me want to punch you in the face.

“Schmucks.”

A.

3 thoughts on “Shorter Fox Barbie Dolls: Life is Haaarrrrrrd!

  1. I love you. Seriously.

  2. The Dol says:

    Me too.

  3. spocko says:

    You know who also was very popular and paid good money if you worked for him?
    Hitler.
    A columnist from the Sac Bee and I were having this discussion online the other day. And he asked, “Why do people watch/listen to this crap? What is it about people that this is something that they will watch?”
    I pointed out that one group that I understand is the liberal male. Studies have shown that they watch to get pissed off. The Show acts like caffeine. Then there are the right wing authoritarians who listen/watch. They believe.
    The people I wanted to focus on were the advertisers because odds are they were NOT believers, they might be the cynical men go where the audience is, but you might want to say, “Do you want to associate your brand with people who talk about poisoning the Speaker of the House?” No? Then don’t advertise.
    Glenn Beck has lost 100 advertisers using this technique I developed.. Color of Change Co-founder was the first victim of his wrath. Just like the I was the victim of KSFO/ABC/Disney’s wrath.
    Beck is out of control. He is issuing career death threats on his show. If the loss of all his advertising isn’t enough for Fox they need to pay more money or lose a few broadcast licenses.

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