Kids’ Birthday Parties

They’ve changed a bit since I was little, apparently:

Hosting a birthday party for your child, ages 1-12 in ten easy steps:

1. Choose a theme.

2.
Buy invitations, cups, plates, napkins, spoons, tablecloths, balloons,
streamers, games, party favor bags, party favors, and prizes to fit the
theme. Get a class list from your child’s nursery or school, and send
each child an invitation to insure no hurt feelings.

3. Order a
cake to match the theme, and buy drinks, ice cream and treats. Don’t
forget candles! Also, pick up some drinks and finger food for the
parents that inevitably will stay on to watch the little darlings enjoy
themselves.

4. Graciously welcome each child and their parent
into your home. Herd the children into the designated party area and
keep them each busy with an ice-breaker game like Pin The Tail On The
Donkey, Twister, or Pop the Balloon. If there are any conflicts between
children, by all means DO NOT raise your voice to someone else’s child
or physically restrain them in any way. Stand by patiently with a
slight “no means no” frown on your face and in a sweet voice say things
like, “No no sweetie” and “Be nice to your guests sugar” while the
other mothers watch their child pull your child’s hair, poke their
eyes, and hit them.

5. Go through half of the entertainment you
have planned. Notice that it is only 15 minutes into the 2 hour party
and realize you didn’t plan enough activities. Try to slow things down
with a video.

6. Present opening time! Have a trashbag handy for
wrapping paper… the bows will be grabbed by the kids. Have a box or
bag handy for hiding the presents in once opened… out of sight out of
mind. Prepare yourself to wrestle the gifts away from each child.

7. Cake and ice cream! Dish it out. Stand back.

8.
Hand out party favor bags as each child and parent leave. Thank them so
much for coming, the gift was your child’s favorite by far, you could
tell! Remember: Keep track of who gifted what so you know how much to
spend on their child when it’s their birthday.

9. Give your child their presents. Clean while they break and or lose them all.

10. Relax, party’s over!

A.

8 thoughts on “Kids’ Birthday Parties

  1. pansypoo says:

    why do we breed?

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  2. Robert Earle says:

    Made me think of this song (a CD I haven’t listened to for too long a while.)

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  3. Interrobang says:

    I dunno, pansypoo, I always sort of figured other people bred because it was the done thing. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why people actually like children, instead of merely tolerating them and sending them outside to play most of the time. I certainly never figured on meeting people with planned families of four children, but I certainly have.

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  4. liprap says:

    Welcome to my world.
    I have one. And as far as I’m concerned, he was unplanned, but I love him to death anyway. Having more of him…well, I personally would plotz. Every. Day.
    Oh, and these holier-than-thou parents who jump up and down about alcohol for parents at these parties while the kids are going berserk? Those people are obviously not involved in their kids’ lives in any way…which is also why grandparents want their children to have more grandkids. They can just hand them back when they get unruly. It’s in the grandparent contract.

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  5. liprap says:

    Oh, and someone in the comments to that talked about RSVP-ing going the way of the dinosaur? It’s absolutely true: last year, with no RSVPs, there were 14 kids all over my house. This year, only six, thank God.
    I thought that was just New Orleans. Don’t know whether to be shocked or relieved that that is a national thing.

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  6. Sandman says:

    I hate birthday parties, but my wife is like a professional party planner when it comes to kids’ parties. When I was little (born in 1968, fyi), I got a few presents and a cake with my immediate family. Birthdays were just not that big of a deal.

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  7. Elspeth Ravenwind says:

    Just don’t diss the cake… But know if you want a ‘character’ cake (like licensed crap) – do not ask me to do it. I will do something creative and fun and pertinent, but I will not use someone else’s intellectual property.
    Creative and fresh – come to me (when I have my biz) – you want Hannah Montana/Spiderman, can’t help ya.

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  8. mothra says:

    I think it would be easier to just not have a party. Like my parents did. My mother was not about to have 10 kids crawling all over her house. Oh, and if she somehow lost her mind and did have a party? There’d be absolutely zero gentle saying of the “no, no.” My mother’d have those kids quiet and respectful in 30 seconds.

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