By now you’ve all heard about Kevin Smith.People inspace have heard about Kevin Smith. Hopefully my friend R who works in crisis communications is e-mailing this story around the office and laughing his ass off because YOU DONE STEPPED IN IT NOW, BOYS.
And look, before we get a thousand comments about how this one time somebody flopped their lard into your side: Everybody’s gotten jammed into an airplane seat and not had enough room to breathe.That’s the point. Not whether fat people weigh down the plane or block the aisle or infringe on other people’s space that THEY PAID FOR GODDAMMIT or some other justification for being assholes to customers, but thateverybody in coach is uncomfortable. All the time. Kicking one dude off the flight because he’s too large and in charge does not change the fact that even if you fit in the seat the seat fucking SUCKS.
The worst flight I ever had was on my way back from New York two years ago, I was in the middle seat in the very back row of the plane. The people next to me were fine in their seats. I’m no little lamb but we all fit by the airlines’ definition of “fit.” What I am is severely claustrophobic and planes on a good day when I’m sitting on the aisle make me feel like a rat sealed in a paint can. I would have just drunk myself unconscious on 12-dollar vodka tonics but I already had a hangover and was muttering the rosary to keep from hurling. Mr. A was about 26 rows ahead of me next to some hot little blonde because we’d jumped at the chance to fly home earlier than planned and this was what we got. Longest three hours of my life.
Airplane seats right now are good for nobody. Hell, between paying for your food, paying to check your bags, trying to jam your carry-on into those stupid compartments, and the way the planes SMELL, airlines in general are good for nobody. Everybody wearing sizes with just one letter still feels mashed up against each other, grossed out, and wishes like hell that the legal definition of self-defense for homicide included putting one’s seat back all the way down. Until airlines start to
deal with the fact that giving people a progressively shittier
experience ain’t gonna make them fly more often, it’s a particular brand of pointlessly rude to chuck certain people over X pounds
off the plane.