A Normal Complication: Caprica Thread

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poilers abound after the jump.

So here’s my question for you. What’s your before? What’s your after? By which I really mean, what’s the line that separates them? What happened to you? You won or lost something, someone died or was born, you came from somewhere or went somewhere else? What can no one truly know you without knowing about?

Because I think for Daniel it was losing Zoe, or it will be, and I think for Amanda it was losing her brother. Which isn’t to say it wasn’t Zoe, too, in that you can have a thousand befores and afters and you figure that out as they chip away at you, but the big division, the one you have to tell somebody about before they’re truly inside your head and heart? It happened to Amanda on that road, driving, her brother beside her, and ever since then she’s been chasing him down.

I want to know how old she was. Did she say, and I missed it? Was Daniel there in her life, when that happened, or did she meet him after, and everything about her has been keeping that secret heart away from him? That would explain the simultaneously cavalier and careful way she treats him. She had to get wasted on something very expensive to begin to reach for her story, and sometimes telling a virtual stranger is the easiest thing, because what does this strange teacher care, who invites you to a hash bar basically, how judge-y can she possibly get?

Sometimes you don’t want therapy. You don’t want it to be made understandable, for the great mysteries to be simplified by platitudes and strategies. You want it to be as though the earth caved in because then you’ve earned how you feel and you have a right to go on chasing your ghosts. Misery is intensely selfish: This is the sacred ground where they died, and it doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to me, and I get to say who else sets foot upon it. And of course it doesn’t work like that at all, and eventually we come to it, mostly. There’s a poem byCharlotte Mayerson I love that begins, “That I don’t own his death / is a required course / his friends teach.” Her book has walked me through a lot of spaces before, and after.

Quick takes: This show is about teenagers and how their parents stare right at them and don’t see them at all. And it’s about teenagers and how they stare at each other and don’t see each other, either, with Philomon and Zoe having a conversation that Zoe thinks is about getting her free and Philomon realizes is about putting everybody else in boxes. Hee: “I work with top secret military robots.” “That is so hot.” It’s going to break him in half when he realizes what’s going on, by which I mean it’s going to be incredible.

Vipers! Yay!

I’m dying to know more about Sister Clarice now, and what her before was, and her after, and what lies in the space between them.

A.

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8 thoughts on “A Normal Complication: Caprica Thread

  1. virgotex says:

    Paula Malcomson broke my fucking heart tonight.
    At first the “crazy” seemed whoa, way too sudden, and I thought maybe Clarice and her men had done something to her, and yes, they are hastening it/exploiting it, but it’s had its own organic process I think. And what sent her tumbling over the edge is the disassembling and moving of the shrine.
    And like you said, You want it to be as though the earth caved in because then you’ve earned how you feel and you have a right to go on chasing your ghosts. You can see Amanda wanting to just slide into it, stop resisting, stop holding it together. That scene in the opiate bar was amazing, we aren’t entirely sure if Clarice is really just manipulating Amanda. They connect there for a bit and again, it’s heartbreaking. Great acting.
    I love that little scene where Lacy emphasizes she’s never never letthis Zoe down. That’s all she’s got right now. Her before/after was when she didn’t get on that train. And she couldn’t be helping Zoe if she had. But she didn’t, so she has to make up for it. Still waiting for Lacy to break out. Not sure what they’re going to do with her but she connects so many of the other pieces,she’s got to be a bigger player.
    I snorted out loud when Zoe said “She looked me right in my eye!”
    Am I the only one that flashes on that shot of Baltar and Six when the nukes first hit in BSG every time they show that lake/mountain vista, looking out from inside the Graystone living room? I don’t think it’s an accident.
    It’s all about the layers on this show.

  2. virgotex says:

    oh! and VIPERS!

  3. BuggyQ says:

    What hit me was how Amanda was almost gleeful when she said she went crazy. I get that–that after everything she’s been through, that was the time that made sense. That to make up for her failures, she has to chase Darius forever. That would be the only way to make things right. And therefore, that was the time she was really happy.
    Yes, Virgotex, Paula Malcolmson was frakking brilliant. I love that character more every week, and a lot of that is how she’s being played.

  4. BuggyQ says:

    Oh, and frakkin’ Clarice (which is weird, because I always hear, “Well, hello Clarice!” from Hannibal Lecter when I hear that name). Her hash-speech screamed “I’ve been through something and the only thing that made it make sense was God. Singular.”
    And now what will Amanda do?

  5. Athenae says:

    BuggyQ, what drove me wild about Clarice’s speech was that it’s the same bullshit speech you hear here on actual Earth from actual hardcore fundies, that when something horrific happens you should just stop making sense of things and trust that God has a plan.
    Which is a fancy way of saying “there is no way of ever figuring this shit out, so give up, but we can’t just say that so here’s some invisible being to blame/thank for it, and trust the son of a bitch no matter what the fucker does to you.”
    Which might not be WRONG, but it does DICK to help you in the moment, which its proponents never recognize.
    A.

  6. BuggyQ says:

    True dat, A. But she also had the air of the fundies who really, really believe. And not only believes, but feels better because of her beliefs. That’s scary. Because she’s clearly also convinced that everyone else will feel better if they believe.

  7. virgotex says:

    Buggy and A, I’m having similar discussion re Clarice with another internet buddy who’s a self-identified “recovering” fundamentalist.
    Clarice is also convinced that what harm she might do to any number of individuals is justified in (God’s) larger scheme of things.
    And Buggy makes an important distinction. They don’t think it’s bullshit-to them it’s a refuge not an evasion.

  8. virgotex says:

    Ya’ll prolly know this but it was news to me. In addition to being on twitter, @BearMcCreary has a blog : http://www.bearmccreary.com/blog/?p=3897#more-3897 .

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