Al Gore’s Penis

We totally needed fewer people in the press that hate stupidity. That’s something we need right now, whileHowie Kurtz is salivating over Al Gore’s jock.

Maybe I’m confusing him with Kerry, but I always thought the line on Gore was that he was most likely gay, what with all the earth tones and being concerned about the environment and very faggy things like that. Shouldn’t the allegation that he became a sexually assaultive creep provoke admiration among those espousing the idea that Washington power is all about dick anyway? By which I mean, shouldn’t Howard be all, “Way to go brah” and hand-slappy instead of pissily resentful?

I’m really, really impressed that Kurtz managed to cover this by covering the Enquirer covering it. It’s a time-honored journalistic tradition, that: Don’t cover the scummy thing itself, cover the “phenomenon” surrounding it. Cover that it’s “spreading like wildfire on the Internet” or “has provoked much discussion among Washington movers and shakers” or something. That way you get to giggle over “therapeutic massage” a few hundred times like the adolescent blowhole that you are without having to get any of those icky Enquirer cooties on you.

I mean, Jesus, at least the Enquirer had the stones to publish the story itself, instead of just tittering at it from the sidelines while maintaining plausible journalistic deniability.

A.

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4 thoughts on “Al Gore’s Penis

  1. oyster says:

    That vivisection of Kurtz and the time-honored journalistic tradition is absolutely delicious to read. I may not need dinner.

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  2. This story is hilarious. No, Al Gore is not gay .. but he’s no Bill Clinton. Worst rumor I heard, living here in Nashville as I do, is that he had a “love” interest back in the 90s. Gossip you know, nothing more to it than that.
    This story stinks to high heaven, screams “shakedown” to borrow the GOPs new favorite word. The masseuse in question wanted to settle the matter “privately” then tried to sell her story for $1 million.
    Good lord but this is tawdry. Time was, a report in the National Enquirer was immediately discredited but post-John Edwards, everyone starts sniffing around the garbage heap

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  3. Adrastos says:

    Great post, A. Salon had a great piece about the Portland paper that looked into the story and didn’t run it because it couldn’t be substantiated. Imagine that:
    http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2010/06/24/gore_sex_assault_portland_tribune/index.html

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  4. pansypoo says:

    every famous person must fear this, unless they are stoopid.

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