Wow, I Feel Whiter Already

Not that I made a habit of hanging out in Homer Township, but Isure as hell won’t be going there anytime soon:

The leaders of Homer Township—in Will County, in the southwest
suburbs—have brought a little bit of Arizona to the metro Chicago area,
passing a resolution declaring English as their official language.As Fox News Chicago reports, township clerk Steve Balich, a resolution backer, admits that Homer doesn’t evenhavean
immigrant “problem,” but “you have to start somewhere and so we’re
starting here.” He hopes other places will learn about the resolution
and “have the courage to stand up and do the same thing.”

Fox reports that Balich is “very active” in the Tea Party movement. A look at theHomer/Lockport Tea Party’s website suggests that Balich might want to start there with enforcing the new resolution.

On
the front page are the typos “preevering” and “thhe”—as in, “Preerving
Our Freedom – Picnic Rally,” and “Glenn Beck at thhe Sears Centre.” On
the right side of the page, a hyperlink takes you to the “Illinois General Assemble.” Inexplicable, inconsistent usage of upper-case letters, such as “To be Updated,” possibly demands its own resolution.

A.

13 thoughts on “Wow, I Feel Whiter Already

  1. Maitri says:

    I misunderesimate but refudiate this strategery. QED. Fuckwits.

  2. Phalamir says:

    Instead of working to end English-Only, I think the better strategy would be to embrace it with fervent zealotry, clamoring for violations to be met with on-the-spot executions. You could remove the Tea Party crowd in less than a week, most of the South by the end of a month, and finish with the Canadian-border militia-Nazis by Christmas. Then just repeal the damn law, and we can have a civilized nation again.
    Have never understood why people who are ridiculously proud of their inability to string together a coherent sentence in English then want to make it illegal to not string together a coherent sentence in English. English-wise, the only real difference between Spanish and Redneck Yokel is that I can translate Spanish into comprehensible English

  3. Jude says:

    HOMER Township? God damn, the jokes just write themselves, don’t they?
    And their “News Blog” isAWESOME.
    The “commentary” on firing some professor is incredible and incoherent. A little farther down the page, when talking about how the Huffington Post has picked up on this bullshit, someone manages to fuck irony to death:
    “Good for Homer … they’re showing some kahones!
    YES.
    Speak up, America!!!!
    The *** rule the world. Look at what obama is letting the black panthers get away with. You’re only racist if you’re white. The other folks get away with murder, literally.
    From Gramwk”
    I don’t know what “***” stands for, but you know it ain’t good. But I almost peed myself when I saw her misspell “cojones.” I wonder if someone could explain the origin of that word to her.

  4. montag says:

    “Kahones?”
    That’s Hawaiian, ain’t it?
    🙂

  5. Jude says:

    Yeah, like in the song. “I wanna be with all the kahones and wahine that I knew long ago.”
    Wait, that’s not it…

  6. Snarki, child of Loki says:

    Instead of working to end English-Only, I think the better strategy would be to embrace it with fervent zealotry,…
    Yes, but summary executions are far too extreme. Here in America we only execute after a long, drawn out railroading and villification, and that takes a lot of time and effort.
    Deporting people, on the other hand, can be done muy pronto (or words to that effect).
    So I suggest we deport the offenders to Outer Dumbfuckistan.
    But where is that, you ask? Well, Google gives conflicting results: some point to Witchita, others cite the exurbs of Greater Wingnuttia.
    Or maybe, just maybethey’re already soaking in it!
    If so, attention must be paid! Who’s up for creating a realistic letter from IL, informing Homer Township that their name has been officially changed by legislative fiat to “Outer Dumbfuckistan”, with all the Rights, Powers, Perquisites and Appurtenances unto their new condition?

  7. Adrastos says:

    Kakones? Hmm, sounds like cojones to me…

  8. MapleStreet says:

    I hate to admit it, but Kahlua really threw me for a curve. I got some in Hawaii as a present and then found out it is from Mexico.

  9. Wow, even NASHVILLE rejected one of those “English Only” bills. For anyone interested in the history of this movement, it’s basically the brain child ofa one-man nativist hate machine name John Tanton. Every nativist group — FAIR, U.S. Inc. ProEnglish, Numbers USA — inevitably has a direct tie to this man. He is, naturally, funded by Richard Mellon Scaife.
    Funny how it always comes back to the same right wing hatemongering moneybags.

  10. The Bobs says:

    From their blog:
    “I don’t understand what needs to be defended we live in America we speak English I called ComEd today and twice had to ask them to speak English Don’t like it go where they speak Spanish
    From Diane”
    I loved that one. “Diane” speaks English but can’t write it. Also, punctuation is totally socialist, too.

  11. Tom Allen says:

    I think our national language should be Saxon. Fuck yeah! Well, maybe we’ll let the Angles in, but I’m really suspicious of those Normans.

  12. pansypoo says:

    boy, he suree do sound superier.

  13. Phalamir says:

    So I suggest we deport the offenders to Outer Dumbfuckistan.
    But where is that, you ask? Well, Google gives conflicting results: some point to Witchita, others cite the exurbs of Greater Wingnuttia

    I suggest the middle of that damn oil slick

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