All freak show, all the time

Dance of Death

Above is a classicsideshow banner by Fred G. Johnson but it also describes the current state of the GOP race. We’ve had the Bachmann wingnut overdrive surge, the Gov Package Check surge, the Cain surge and subsequent Gingery wreck. Now it’s Newt-mentum. Newt Fucking Gingrich: are you fucking kidding me? The same guy who once suggested that thechildren of welfare recipients be sent to orphanages?Same asshole. The Obama campaign people must be pinching themselves over their luck right now. Newt Fucking Gingrich?

I’ve never seen anything like this: every campaign shifts into freak show mode from time to time but this is never ending. The latest freak show twist is reality teevee show host Donald Trump moderating a debate. Donald Fucking Trump? Really: the no truth telling, net worth lying motherfucker Donald Trump? I’ve gotta give Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman props for telling this bad hair shitbird that they’re not playing in his sandbox. The rest will likely go along because it’s all freak show, all the time.

Where does it end? Just imagine the reality teevee themed debate possibilities:

Sing for Simon Cowell.Super Freakwould be a good numbah for these bozos.

Eat bugs for Jeff Probst. Who among us wouldn’t get a kick out of seeing Mitt Haircut spend 30 days without shaving or hair gel?

Cook with gummi bears and warthog forChopped’sTed Allen.

Strut the runway in drag forMad Fashion’s Chris March and the Project Runway judges. I bet Michael Kors would have a few good zingers for the candidates. I’d pay good money to see Newt in stiletto heels…

The variations are infinite. Any suggestions, y’all?

15 thoughts on “All freak show, all the time

  1. liprap says:

    Herman Cain in Kitchen Nightmares, if he hadn’t, um, pulled out.

  2. Tom Allen says:

    I think, given the current media explanations of the financial crisis, the definitive show would be Mitchell & Webb’s Numberwang:

  3. OkieBlue says:

    The candidates could be interviewed by three of the nuttiest attorneys general in the U.S. and forced to prove they are certifiably insane. Oh, wait…

  4. OkieBlue says:

    I have another one. Although somewhat redundant I would love to see them on the TV show “Wipeout”.

  5. Kevin says:

    Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader? is the natural choice.

  6. mellowjohn says:

    i’m waiting for the “hunger games” debate.

  7. MichaelF says:

    Survivor, Derangement Edition — with Calliope music in the background, like the kind you’ll sometimes hear in or around the French Quarter that shifts off key as the boat pulls away from shore.
    I’m not sure what’s more frightening: that the present crop of candidates has to appeal to a mouth breathing base with a collective IQ lower than my cat’s…or that the “winner” of this clown show has at least a decent shot at getting elected president, thanks to IOKIYAR and “this-is-good-news-for-Republicans” being more or less permanent rules/preconditions within the elite press.

  8. Elspeth Ravenwind says:

    Newticles’ penchant for Dickens-era ‘solutions’ makes me wish I had photoshop or similar software at my disposal to blend his bloated, bejeweled-yet-sausage-fingered, self w/this image from “Oliver Twist” – http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1a1DleYtoZY/TCd7bRMujtI/AAAAAAAADWA/vAxq9OnNXS0/s1600/MrBumble.jpg

  9. pansypoo says:

    i don’t watch much other than PBD, biggest loser, + law & order. newt could be whipped to lose weight.

  10. MichaelF says:

    Lemme see what I can do with that, E.R. — once I get home from work. Might try a different Mr. Bumble if I can find one at three quarters or full-on instead of profile.
    I’d given some thought to doing Newt as Fagin, but, hang my head in shame, I’ve read very little Dickens, and in looking up Fagin on Wikipedia, saw that his character is, well, controversial in a way I don’t to go, i.e., anti-Semitism.

  11. Elspeth Ravenwind says:

    Groovy MichaelF…it’s all good. That’s just what I could find quickly. 🙂

  12. MichaelF says:

    OK, kind of a quick effort…also have an orange cat demanding — loudly — some quality time. So it goes…anyway.
    https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/4EWw_PwaptsNF6mwiuitEdMTjNZETYmyPJy0liipFm0?feat=directlink

  13. Hee hee! PERFECT!

  14. MichaelF says:

    Thanks…and, I managed to find a few minutes —
    https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/ISoETU42ia8EusXjMBoqeNMTjNZETYmyPJy0liipFm0?feat=directlink
    Being a profile it’s a little more difficult to pick out, but Newt makes a good beadle…

  15. DanielX says:

    Well, my druthers would be to see them all thrown into a pit of rabid wolverines. Failing that, set them down by helicopter – naked – in a location like the South Bronx. Sort of like Survivor, with the additional threat of being skinned. The one who comes out alive and least damaged wins.

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