Imposing American Values Kicked Ass Last Time

Please fucking shoot me before we let this group of assclowns make any of our national security decisions ever again:

The saying goes and it is true that “as Egypt goes, so goes the Middle East.” That is why the United States invested billions of dollars in aid and military weaponry, because as the largest Arab country in the world Egypt is critical to the strategic interests of the United States.

What is happening in Egypt directly affects U.S. policy in the region.

Americans must not allow the Obama administration to support an unjust regime that has lost its legitimacy in the eyes of the Egyptian people, and now, the world.

The heart of the American tradition is freedom, liberty and justice. Today, the American people find their government supporting a regime that is antithetical to their values.

Heaven forbid our government should ever support a regime antithetical to our values:


Heaven also forbid we ever kick back, deal with our own stuff, and let other people determine the course of their own fate, or even have an actual moment of questioning about what exactly is NOT OUR DAMN JOB and what is. Let’s just go stick our national dick in another bees’ nest. Let’s yell stuff as loudly as we can, into a wind that shifts every single second, because that will prove to somebody somewhere that our voice still works.

And I am just about done lecturing other countries about our democratic values when our own Supreme Court said voter suppression efforts were all in the past and everybody should be allowed to institute whatever strip-search poll-tax bullshit measures they want. Using economics to subvert the national will is no more moral than doing so with AKs.

Obama’s actual statement on things:

The United States is monitoring the very fluid situation in Egypt, and we believe that ultimately the future of Egypt can only be determined by the Egyptian people. Nevertheless, we are deeply concerned by the decision of the Egyptian Armed Forces to remove President Morsy and suspend the Egyptian constitution. I now call on the Egyptian military to move quickly and responsibly to return full authority back to a democratically elected civilian government as soon as possible through an inclusive and transparent process, and to avoid any arbitrary arrests of President Morsy and his supporters. Given today’s developments, I have also directed the relevant departments and agencies to review the implications under U.S. law for our assistance to the Government of Egypt.

I don’t know what else the ATTACK IRAQ NOW FOR FREEDOM FRIES AND CANDY crowd would like him to say. I really thought after fucking up two countries they’d lose their taste for it, but apparently the appetite for truly pointless belligerence and destruction is bottomless.

And we do need to civilize those folks, after all.


2 thoughts on “Imposing American Values Kicked Ass Last Time

  1. Over the last 24 hours, how many people have been tweeting “Why did Egypt just kick out that dude used to sing for the Smiths?”

  2. “Let’s just go stick our national dick in another bees’ nest.” – Instant classic.

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