Oh NOES, something we’ve never seen before, Republicans being bags of dogshit:

WASHINGTON — As the administration struggles to put in place the final, complex piece of President Obama‘s signature health care law, an endeavor on a scale not seen since Medicare‘s creation nearly a half-century ago, Democrats are worried that major snags will be exploited by Republicans in next year’s midterm elections.

If only there was something you could do about it instead of worrying in the pages of the goddamn Times and announcing to everyone that you’re so, so, so very worried that those meanie Republicans are going to blame you for how awful Obamacare is going to be. I’m sure yelling WE ARE SO DOOMED YOU GUYS AIEEEE is going to give people all the conflidence in the world.

For the third time, Republicans are trying to make the law perhaps the biggest issue of the elections, and are preparing to exploit every problem that arises. After many unsuccessful efforts to repeal the law, the Republican-led House plans another vote soon. And Republican governors or legislatures in many states are balking at participating, leaving Washington responsible for the marketplaces.

I swear to Aqua Buddha, do any of these people go to school? Read that paragraph. “Republicans have been screaming about this for three elections, during which absolutely no one gave a fuck, and they have repeatedly failed to do anything but whine about the law to the 27 percent of people who already agree with them.” That’s exactly what it would have said if we were being honest here, instead of getting nice and cozy inside John Boehner’s colon.

Democrats are worried about 2014 — a president’s party typically loses seats in midterm years — and some have gone public with concerns about the pace of carrying out the law. Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, the majority leader, told an interviewer last week that he agreed with a recent comment by Senator Max Baucus of Montana, a Democratic architect of the law, who said “a train wreck” could occur this fall if preparations fell short.

Both of your PR staffs should be put in the stocks and pelted with rotten fish. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? “This thing we’re responsible for, it’s gonna suck llama dong, I tell you what.” Do any of them listen to themselves? Or do they just think that since they don’t, nobody does?

When Republicans announce a thing, like, say, a huge unwinnable expensive war that turns out to be bullshit, they first get together and distribute pictures of every single member of their caucus performing unnatural acts with cacti and guinea pigs. They do this just to make clear what the consequences will be for those congressmen and their succulents and household pets should anybody trip over his own dick in front of a live mike. That is the ONLY explanation I can think of for the unshakeable message discipline, even in crazyville, that these people practice.

Meanwhile here we are, positively stepping on each other to be the first to talk about how it’s all gonna go to shit at any second and we’ll get blamed and it’s not our fault and the president didn’t do enough and why Baby Cthulhu why?

The latest poll from the Kaiser Family Foundation, released last week, showed that Americans remain split on the law, although four in 10 are unaware that Mr. Obama’s Affordable Health Care Act is indeed a law.

So 40 percent of America can’t find this thing with a flashlight and both hands, but it’s gonna be the Republicans’ signature issue in 2014?

Okay.

Without the participation of that generally healthy young population, insurance premiums for everyone else would increase — threatening support for a law already short of it.

And yet it is a law, and Republicans continue to be unable to repeal it, so … why am I supposed to be screaming in terror again?

A.