“So he’s definitely not on his boat until the pictures actually show up. And then, ‘Okay, he was on his boat,'” Beck said on his radio program. “And you expect me to believe that Mrs. Ketchup is in critical condition? I mean, no offense, maybe she is.”
First of all, the boat thing is bullshit. Kerry was on his boat for ten minutes while Egypt was doing whatever it was doing. Last I checked, the following things were true:
1. It is 2013, and we have phones that connect to satellites so you can take a conference call pretty much anywhere. You get Skype up and running and you can have a meeting of the Joint Chiefs on a ski slope in Switzerland. Technology is amazing right now. If I was secretary of state I’d totally be on my boat. Where else to keep my blood pressure low enough to deal with Putin?
2. John Kerry is not, thank God for his sake, the secretary of state of Egypt, therefore so long as he made sure his people were covered, everything here was fine. Unless the protesters were about to launch nukes at Long Island, what exactly did he need to be handling that couldn’t be dealt with via Blackberry? It’s not like a whole American city was under water and he, for example, went shopping for shoes.
3. Mrs. Ketchup? More like FIRST LADY AIRLOCK. You best watch yourself.
Though I’m sure this is all the House needs to start impeachment proceedings against Kerry, Obama, the caterer who brought in that morning’s muffins, and any random page who happens to be nearby.
Oh, and 4. HAPPY KERRYON INA MOTHERFUCKING BOAT PHOTO: