Why Politico COULD Eat a Bag of Assholes

Obama’s visit COULD make the entire city of Boston suck ass:

President Barack Obama’s jaunt to downtown Boston on Wednesday could strike out with the locals.

That’s because the commander in chief will touch down in Beantown on the same day the Boston Red Sox are playing a potential World Series clinching game against the St. Louis Cardinals. And a presidential a motorcade in the heart of the city as crowds flock to Fenway Park is worrying City Hall and local business leaders.

Large sporting events and major political undertakings are foreign to Boston. It’s a sleepy little hamlet, unused to the bright lights and bustle of modern life. A presidential motorcade will cause its entire infrastructure to crater.

“We have been in touch with the mayor, who is concerned about the potential impact of these events on the evening commute and afternoon congestion,” wrote Chamber CEO Paul Guzzi. “We wanted to give a head’s up to any Chamber members or other businesses who have workers in the city or may be planning to come into the city, so you can use appropriate discretion in making plans for tomorrow.”

Appropriate discretion! My god, man, can you smell the panic? START CONSERVING WATER NOW. Buy canned goods. Decide which of your household pets you would like to eat first. It will be utter madness.

Tell me about the other major players in Boston who are concerned, POLITICO:

A Republican state lawmaker griped to POLITICO that some local businesses may be forced to shutter during the president’s visit.

“I think it’ll be a disaster,” said state Rep. Bradley Jones, the House minority leader. “We’re undercutting the benefit of having to World Series because they’re closing down part of the city.”

I don’t know what the “benefit of having to World Series” is, mostly because I don’t speak dick-breath, but “some businesses may have to shutter.” Which ones? Big ones? Little ones? Manufacturers? Ice cream parlors? He doesn’t say, this Bradley Jones fellow, most likely because his brain is like a Scrabble board tossed in the spin dryer. Or because he has some kind of partisan axe to grind OH WAIT:

Massachusetts House Minority Leader Brad Jones says Romney left the state ‘a better place,’ says Obama’s record ‘dismal’

Yeah, can’t imagine why Mr. Jones isn’t jazzed that Obama’s coming to town. By the way, the trip Politico describes as “a jaunt?” Putting me in mind of a Sunday drive in a surrey with the fringe on top?

Obama will point to the success that Massachusetts has had in expanding health care insurance to nearly all of its residents. Obama is also expected to discuss some of the problems with HealthCare.gov, the insurance marketplace that was supposed to work like the Massachusetts Connector.

So nothing important. He should just stay away until the baseball game is over, lest businesses be unable to World Series.


7 thoughts on “Why Politico COULD Eat a Bag of Assholes

  1. Obama catches a lady who is feeling woozy and in the process of fainting. What a terrible thing. She must be a plant. Bet she is a Kenyan Nazi. (Almost want to add, how dare he touch a white woman).
    Obama goes from DC to Boston. Terror! He’ll make businesses close their doors.
    An asteroid is going to hit earth and is large enough to cause an event similar to the one 63 million years ago. Obama changes into a superhero uniform, flies into space, and changes the trajectory. Reps yell that Obama is unfair to asteroids.

  2. Well, I hate to say it but unless they play this very carefully they might be right. The point is that Obama will get blamed for whatever goes wrong with the traffic in the city today, rightly or wrongly. And there’s plenty to hate about Boston traffic on Red Sox days. Ideally he’d land and get in during the game, when the streets should be dead except for regular workers–oddly enough the entire city does not stop working because of the Red Sox and most people just keep doing what they are doing–. I went to see Obama in person at a small fundraiser a few years ago and the amount of security turned an ordinary event into a multi hour struggle for the people attending. I can’t imagine how bad it is right now.
    I wish he’d chosen to do a video hookup/praise session for the MA healthcare miracle, or done a video interview/townhall with MA patients and providers and made a huge joke out of not wanting to interfere with the Red Sox. I think given the massive attacks on him as aloof and humorless he can use all the (fake) humanizing he can get and really it makes no difference to the theoretical audience whether he flew in to emphasize how great MA is or did it by video. Its not more authentic or interesting because he flies in to do it.

  3. Pres O would get slammed for not coming in person…these jerks just whinge no matter what.

  4. I have an idea: why not invite him to the game, with Marine One landing sitting quietly in the football field next door until it’s over and he can leave that way?

  5. [diligently writes in the folder marked “Most Excellent Athenaeisms” :
    ‘because I don’t speak dickbreath’, ]

  6. Sounds like Yogi Berra logic: Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore; it’s too crowded. Yeah, businesses will shut down because all those people – potential customers in another context – will be swarming through various parts of the city.
    The savvy business people of Boston will ignore the mouthpiece from the Chamber of Commerce and the nitwit from the Massachusetts House. Which, come to think of it, is probably a pretty good rule of thumb for savvy business people everywhere.

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