Malaka Of The Week: Steve Stockman

Malakatude often involves magical (aka unrealistic) thinking. That’s why Texas Congressman Steve Stockman is this week’s “honoree.” Stockman is so far to the right that he lost his seat in 1996 before returning to an even wingnuttier district in 2012. Just call him the Comeback Nut.

That brings me to the reason for “honoring” Steve Stockman for his malakatude. He’s challening past honoree John Cornyn in 2014 based on the fact that SENATOR CORNHOLE IS A LIBERAL. Yes, that’s right. John Cornyn is too liberal for this teabagging nutbar. John Cornyn with the second most conservative voting record in the Senate. John Cornyn who says stupid illiberal shit all the fucking time. But to Steve Stockman he’s LIBERAL JOHN CORNYN.Here’s an excerpt from Malaka Stockman’s initial fund raising blast:

Dear patriot,

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate.

Dear patriot,

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.XFXDgMsd.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate.
– See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate.
– See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate.
– See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.sc09kgUl.dpuf

In classic right wing super patriot fashion, Stockman’s fundraising missive bristles with martial images of foxholes, bayonets, and the like. In even more classic right wing super patriot fashion, Stockman has never served in the military or spent any time in foxholes regardless of whether there were atheists therein. Hell, I’m not even sure if Malaka Stockman can tell the difference between a foxtrot and a foxhole. Can you dig it?<groan>

Dear patriot,

You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic…

…and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.

I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.

But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster.

Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.

But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.

And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.

Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.

Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.

That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate.
– See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.CDGgYTZg.dpuf

and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back.

But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.

And we have less than 90 days to stop him.

I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn. – See more at: http://stockman2014.com/articles/i-m-running-for-senate-against-liberal-john-cornyn#sthash.XFXDgMsd.dpuf

The Stockman challenge is the apotheosis of Tea Party insanity. There is nothing remotely liberal about John Fucking Cornyn. He’s a right wing true believer straight from wingnut central casting. He has also raised over 7 million bucks whereas Stockman has $37K on hand. That’s right a mere 37,000 simoleons, a bit of pocket lint and some quarters lodged beneath the sofa cushions. He’ll probably be able to raise more moolah from gullible true believers, but Cornyn has spent his life blowing the oil interests and other Texas moneymen so he’ll be able to outspend Stockman who hopes to be the second incarnation of Ted Cruz. But Tailgunner Ted wasn’t running against a well-entrenched incumbent who has been, uh, Cornholing the state for years…

Why Steve Stockman thinks he can knock off John Cornyn in a primary is beyond me. That brings me full circle back to the collision of magical thinking and malakatude that is epitomized by Stockman’s exercise in futility. It should, however, be quite entertaining for those of us fond of political blood sports. And that is why Steve Stockman is malaka of the week.

2 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Steve Stockman

  1. montag says:

    C’mon, Jake, it’s Chinatown Texas.
    When it comes to Cornyn v. Stockman, this is a battle of degree, not kind. Neither of them are worth spit. Texas already has two loonies in the Senate, so replacing Cornyn with someone even loonier isn’t going to change the overall voting all that much. It was Cornyn, after all, that hired “Box Turtle” Ben Domenech as his chief speechwriter–I doubt that Stockman could do worse, even if he tried.
    And, it’s worth adding that any primary challenge to Cornyn bleeds his resources and forces him to focus on the primary first. Probably not enough to enable a Dem challenger to win, but, still, one has to see Stockman’s wildly inflated ego as a good thing in that light. I say, have at him, crazy person. Maybe they’ll both self-destruct in the collision.

  2. BlackSheep0ne says:

    Either way … the more Big Bad John has to spend of his campaign warchest, the better.
    Stockman will, should he win (after all, Cornyn might walk in front of a bus) at least offer comedy relief compared with Tailgunner Teddy the Canadian Cubano.

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