Malaka Of The Week: Dr. Turd Blossom

I usually prefer to select someone a bit off the beaten track as malaka of the week instead of flogging a dead horse as it were. Some weeks that is simply impossible, especially when a malakatude hall of famer says something so outrageous that I have no choice but to pile on. It’s Karl Rove’s turn since he’s hung out a shingle and decided to practice neurology. Rove is really a practitioner of the ancient art of political ratfucking and that’s why Dr. Turd Blossom is malaka of the week.

Unless you’re living under a rock, you know that Rove floated the notion that Hillary Clinton suffered brain damage last year and is covering it up. You know, those sinister Clintons are big on nefarious cover ups unlike say Bushes, Reagans, and Nixons. The story first popped up in the Page Six gossip column of the Rupert Post before spreading like the plague through the Beltway fever swamp:

“Thirty days in the hospital?” Rove said, according to the report. “And when she reappears, she’s wearing glasses that are only for people who have traumatic brain injury? We need to know what’s up with that.”

Dr. Turd Blossom has subsequently walked back his diagnosis but he quacked his way into the headlines. Everything he said was untrue: she was in hospital for 4 days and wore regular glasses to the Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi inquisition. Rove’s goal was to plant a seed of disinformation and watch it grow like kudzu. Mission accomplished.

This is how GOP ratfuckers roll and Rove should know. He did some contract ratfucking for CREEP way back in 1972. It’s also not restricted to low level staffers or spin doctors, at least one President of the United States did some public ratfucking in 1988. The target was Democratic nominee Michael Dukakis:

The release of the report, showing that he is in good physical and mental health, was prompted by a remark by President Reagan on Wednesday morning. Asked about Dukakis, Reagan said he did not want to “pick on an invalid,” then later insisted that he had meant the remark in jest.

Oh, that zany Saint Ronnie. He was a genial, jovial ratfucker but a ratfucker nonetheless. Floating a specious rumor and then backtracking is the essence of ratfucking. Dr. Turd Blossom’s diagnosis has led to calls that Ms. Clinton immediately release her medical records for amateur physicians to pour over. It’s particularly rich coming from the party whose most beloved recent President was showing signs of Alzheimer’s while still in office. That’s right, ratfucking Ronnie.

The best thing I’ve read about Rove’s latest pack of lies is by Ana Marie Cox who points out another troubling aspect of the whole mishegas:

But what frustrates me the most about the news of Rove’s remarks is that no one seems to have nailed down the context of them. He “stunned the conference” he was at; he was there with former White House advisor Robert Gibbs and CBS correspondent Dan Raviv; the conference was “last week” and “near Los Angeles”. It can’t even be narrowed down to something obviously political or think-tank-y or ideas festival-esque, because Rove and Gibbs have been been appearing anywhere that can fork over the $100,000 or so they have been charging for a joint appearance since Gibbs left the White House.

As one might expect, there are a lot of universities on their tour – Duke, Stanford, Hofstra and even the fundamentalist Christian Regent University, founded by Pat Robertson. (Former Treasury Secretary Larry Summers was also present for that particular “Clash of the Titans”.) They have even peddled their shtick at select trade associations and industry conferences, including the Council for Responsible Nutrition, medical technology marketer the TriZetto Group, the Urban Land Institute, the National Ethanol Conference and the Marcus Evans CXO Summit.

I’m not sure which is worse: the idea that Rove and Gibbs might be imparting valuable insider information to these paying audiences at largely closed-door events; or that they’ve willingly emptied out whatever convictions they have about politics and agreed to play-act as partisans for sheer entertainment value.

Cashing in may be the American way, but it’s particularly bothersome in this context. The onus is on Dr. Turd Blossom for practicing medicine without a license but Gibbs is guilty of sitting there in silence. That’s actually less entertaining than going after Rove and having a good old fashioned row. Gibbs may not be guilty of ratfucking but he became Rove’s accomplice by staying quiet. I guess that makes him a ratfucking fellow traveler at the very least.

The good news is that Rove’s stratagem seems to have backfired so far. I cannot imagine that he thought this would drive a woman who was accused of murdering one of her best friends-Vince Foster-out of the race. It’s actually a sign of desperation that Dr. Turd Blossom himself engaged in this political malpractice instead of delegating the quackery to a lesser fake doctor. And that is why Karl Rove is malaka of the week.

I’m amazed that I got through this post without making a Dark Side Of The Moon reference. In the end, I couldn’t help myself so I’ll give Pink Floyd the last word:

4 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Dr. Turd Blossom

  1. Hillary should turn over her medical records right after Sarah Palin does. That would be, never.

  2. Anyone who did this has no business questioning the physical or mental faculties of anyone
    About 40 seconds in, Karl throws out his idea of a joke — ” then I rip the top[s] off of small animals.” Whether he’s still pretending to be Patrick Fitzgerald (at first TB flubs it and says “Peter”); anyway, whether or not he’s still pretending, that’s a really, really sick thing to say.

  3. Faux News even has up on the web an interview with a doctor – of course doing everything he can to verify any negative info.

Comments are closed.