‘i’m the size of a lime and my skin is transparent’

DYING laughing: 

L: Fetus, we are here today to decide whether 13-year-old Jessica has the right to abort you. Do you have an opinion on the matter?

F: Uh, yes I have an opinion! I mean, this whole case is about me after all, right? Not some teenager, amiright?

L: Ha! You are 100% correct, my friend.

F: Right. So, you want to know if I think she should abort me?

L: Yes.

F: Yes.

L:…Come again?

F: Yes, she has a right to abort me. Come on, man! The girl is 13! I don’t mean to share secrets here, but she still sleeps with a stuffed elephant she calls Mr. Trunksalot. And you want her to have me? Please.

Except, being that this is fucking Alabama, it’s really not funny:

In this special kind of wrong, the court may call witnesses such as the girl’s friends, teachers, or neighbors to testify about her character, so that a judge can decide whether or not she deserves the right to have an abortion.

I used to have a neighbor who sold weed and threw his trash out the window. I’m just saying.

I ask my neighbors for stuff like “more wine” and “can I borrow back the key I gave you, I locked my dumb ass out of my own house” and to watch the ferrets while we’re gone for a weekend. I am trying to think of which neighbor I would ask to come to court to tell a judge whether I “deserved” an abortion. I don’t think any of them would appreciate it.


One thought on “‘i’m the size of a lime and my skin is transparent’

  1. So I’m confused. What qualifies someone to “deserve” an abortion? Every scenario I can think of essentially comes down to “if the girl is ‘not worthy’ enough to get an abortion, how the hell is she ‘worthy’ enough to raise a child”

    It seems like if they truly cared about the innocent little babies, the court would be considering whether she “deserves” a baby.

Comments are closed.