Christmas Snow Could Kill Us All, Or Not: True Journalism Chronicles

Shouty weather stories are among the reasons I don’t watch the local news at home anymore. Kick makes enough noise for the neighbors as it is, no need for me to yell SHUT UP YOU DICKSMACKS through the walls as well.

But still, shut up, you dicksmacks: 

The National Weather Service issued a special weather statement Tuesday that periods of heavy, wet snow are possible on Christmas Eve, which could have a big impact on holiday travel.

At O’Hare Airport Tuesday, lines are long, but moving quickly. Arrival and departure boards show few delays or cancellations.

A snowstorm could have a drastic effect on flights and put holiday cheer to the test.

So there is no snow yet, but snow COULD be drastic. Where is this snow, exactly?

The National Weather Service says the expected localized nature of the forecast snow makes it difficult to pinpoint where exactly it will occur. It could be as far east as northwest Indiana or possibly as far west as Rockford and Dixon.

It appears likely that some portions of the region will likely be impacted by a winter storm that could make travel difficult at best and nearly impossible for a time at worse.

EVERYBODY PANIC. We could get snow. It could be a lot. It could make travel terrible! It could be here, there, everywhere, nowhere! We don’t know!

Or not: 

Computer models put the snowfall totals between 2 and 5 inches throughout the area. Specifically, the models showed about 1.8 inches in Waukegan and about 5.8 inches in Kankakee. O’Hare International Airport may record about 2.8 inches while Midway International Airport could get about 4.0 inches.

The system will be a fast-moving one, however, and should be completely out of the NBC Chicago viewing area by the nighttime hours.

Buffalo, NY called and said Chicago should go fuck itself.

The actual facts, of course, are not getting in the way of nonstop WEATHER TERROR DOPPLER BE VERY AFRAID DON’T GO OUTSIDE EAT YOUR HOUSEHOLD PARAKEET IF YOU HAVE TO promos, all of which are causing various people to freak the hell out and wonder if we should cancel plans, stay off the roads, save ourselves, etc.

I am braising a pork belly in cider and beer. Mr. A went to the liquor store yesterday and bought half. Of the store. Just … half. I ain’t canceling SHIT for two lousy inches. Somebody has to drink all this. So merry merry, everybody. Be well and warm, and know that one of the universe’s constants is that local news is crap.


5 thoughts on “Christmas Snow Could Kill Us All, Or Not: True Journalism Chronicles

  1. “Somebody has to drink all this.”
    i’m in the neighborhood, A, and i’ll be happy to help with the left-overs.

  2. Personally I think it was a mistake to begin naming winter storms (copying the system for naming Tropical Storms / Hurricaines). The naming just encourages the over sensationalism of every storm.

    Not to mention that the weather news can scream about storm Titan (hey, might as well have a name that communicates doom) as possibly causing a snafu in all travel even if it only is active in a limited part of the country.

    I have it on very reliable evidence that a group of Yetis running through the Denver Airport ***could*** disrupt travel tomorrow. Travel carefully.

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