Malaka Of The Week: Buckley Carlson

Misogyny seems to be one of themes this week at First Draft. Phil Robertson’s misogyny is of the Old Testament variety but Buckley Carlson’s is of the wingnut bro variety. He also doesn’t know how to hit reply and *not* reply to all when using email and that is why he’s malaka of the week.

Buckley Carlson is that bow tie wearing motherfucker Tucker Carlson’s idiot brother. Tucker is, of course, a Fox News fixture and editor of something I don’t read called the Daily Caller. In fact, I would rather become a teetotaling vegan than read that right wing rag; if one can call a web site a rag. Tucker is on his way to becoming the Pat Buchanan of his generation: an unpleasant prick who people like Rachel Maddow insist is a “nice guy.” Sheesh.

Anyway, back to Malaka Buckley Bro. I’d never heard of him until he hit the send button and it landed in the in-box of Amy Spitalnick who is a spokesperson for Noo Yawk Mayor and RW hate figure, Bill deBlasio. I’ve bold faced what Malaka Buckley Bro considers wit:

The email appears to have been accidentally sent to de Blasio’s spokesperson, Amy Spitalnick, as well as to Tucker Carlson. In the email, Buckley Carlson, who occasionally writes for the Daily Caller, makes several offensive comments about Spitalnick after she asked for a correction on a piece about the mayor:

Great response. Whiny little self-righteous bitch. “Appalling?”  And with such an ironic name, too… Spitalnick? Ironic because you just know she has extreme dick-fright; no chance has this girl ever had a pearl necklace. Spoogeneck? I don’t think so. More like LabiaFace.

Spitalnick had reached out to Daily Caller writer Peter Fricke to ask for a correction on a story about de Blasio that claimed the mayor had said that the president’s $80 billion transportation proposal was not enough. After a back and forth between Spitalnick, Fricke and editor Christopher Bedford, Bedford told Spitalnick that if she “annoyed” him “with another whiny email before then, I’m muting this thread, thanks,” prompting Spitalnick to contact Tucker Carlson directly. He responded to Spitalnick:

Dear Amy,

Thanks for your email. You believe our story was inaccurate and have demanded a correction. Totally fair. We are going over the transcript now.

What Bedford complained about was your tone, which, I have to agree, was whiny and annoying, and I say that in the spirit of helpful correction rather than as a criticism. Outside of New York City, adults generally write polite, cheerful emails to one another, even when asking for corrections. Something to keep in mind the next time you communicate with people who don’t live on your island.


Tucker Carlson

The email sent from Buckley Carlson to his brother and to Spitalnick appears to have been a response to this.

In response to a request for comment from BuzzFeed News, Tucker Carlson said, “I just talked to my brother about his response, and he assures me he meant it in the nicest way.”

It’s a bro-brother defending his bro-brother. In the nicest fucking way? Give me a fucking break, asswipe. “Whiny little self-righteous bitch” was the nicest thing Malaka Buckley Bro said before launching into misogynistic porn speech; first the money shot image and then the worst thing a bro can say about a woman, she’s a lesbian who doesn’t want my sperm. Does Malaka Buckley Bro talk this way in front of the women in his family or were he and Tucker raised by preppie wolves?

Obviously, Buckley was destined to be a wingnut since I assume the nasty little bugger was named for William F. Buckley. I don’t recall, however, his namesake using terms like “spoogeneck” or “labia face.” I don’t think he’d have been amused or anything but appalled by brozos like the brothers Carlson and what passes for wit in their circle. It’s more like shit and that is why Buckley Carlson is malaka of the week.

Oops, I almost forgot to call him dickface or scroatface, which are the male equivalents of what he called Ms. Spitalnik. Fuck you, Buckley, you’ve brought shame on punsters everywhere. I spitalnick on you…

6 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Buckley Carlson

  1. The idea that WFB would have been appalled at the Carlson bros is somewhat laughable. Buckley (the original) went to Yale, and spent his career surrounded by, and hiring, rich dorks like Tucker. Carlson’s father was the head of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting while WFB was host of “Firing Line”. It’s all a small world full of douches.

  2. “Helpful correction”? Correction? Like when you give the dog’s leash a little snap?

    I hope he comes as a tourist to my quaint little town, I will allow my dogs to tangle him between their leashes so that he can fall into traffic. Watch out, Fucker, my bitch will make you her bitch! She’s crazy!

    Also, his brother seems kind of rapey. Whose mind goes from “spit” to happy ending in one step like that? (Well, you know, out loud, I don’t judge people’s thoughts) You’d think he’d go for a rude and childish wordplay about spit, but no, he leaps right past that to the money shot.

    It actually took me a moment to get what he was on about because it didn’t even make sense.

  3. @Muddy: Completely agree about the idiot brother. Very creepy and rapey.

    @Robert: WFB would agree with the Carlson bros politics BUT he was a wel-bred WWII generation Catholic. In the unlikely event he used porntastic language, he would have never used it around “the ladies” and if caught doing so would have apologized.

  4. If my brothers did something that dickish, I’d slap ’em … and I hope they’d have the good sense to do the same to me if the situation were reversed.

  5. I spitalnick on you…

    I don’t know what I think of that as a closing jab in a post taking someone to task for making fun of that same name.

    1. It’s a good, non-lewd pun as opposed to a sexist, hateful rant. I stand by it.

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