Just Go Be Rich, Rich People

Look, nobody would hate you if you could keep your fucking cakeholes shut: 

“I call it the war on suburbia,” said Brett Barbre, who lives in the Orange County community of Yorba Linda, another exceptionally wealthy Zip code.

Barbre sits on the 37-member board of directors of the Metropolitan Water District of Southern California, a huge water wholesaler serving 17 million customers. He is fond of referring to his watering hose with Charlton Heston’s famous quote about guns: “They’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.”

California used to be the land of opportunity and freedom,” Barbre said. “It’s slowly becoming the land of one group telling everybody else how they think everybody should live their lives.”

This is why the “class warfare” rhetoric and the “oh, rich people are being attacked” narrative makes me crazy. Rich people are not being attacked for being rich. They are being attacked for being douchebags. Being attacked for being a douchebag is, in fact, PREVENTABLE BY NOT BEING A DOUCHEBAG.

You wanna be rich? You happen to be rich because you inherited a bunch of money and aren’t a moron? Go be rich. Nobody will hate you. There are rich people everywhere in this country who nobody hates. Nobody even knows their names. They live their lives and drive their Audis and swim in their pools and do their thing. They take their vacations and manage their money. They do them, and since they don’t bitch all day in the papers about how hard they have it, what with the paper cuts they get from counting their Benjis, no one gives a FUCK.

Except for the most hardcore college sophomores, nobody actually thinks everyone above a certain income level is inherently evil by the nature of what’s in their wallet. The rich people everybody hates are the ones who are actively hurting others. They’re campaigning for Republicans and forming SuperPACs and crabbing about $100 fines for water restrictions when they blow that on hair products. They’re auditing the grocery carts of the working poor and talking about how a little hunger would teach those peasants a lesson. They would probably be this big of dickheads if they had no money at all, but because they have shitloads, they have the power to make everyone understand how much they suck and HOO BOY WHADDYA KNOW WE’VE NOTICED HOW MUCH THEY SUCK because they are screaming it from the rooftops.

There are ways around that. Don’t suck, would be a start.


8 thoughts on “Just Go Be Rich, Rich People

  1. YES!!! I love this post. I’d marry it if I wasn’t, you know, married and if it was a woman. Sooo, not really, then. But I do love this post.

  2. One of the curious mythologies in this country is that the rich are smart, and so, conventional wisdom–especially in the news media–is that we should listen to what they have to say (the extreme version of this is the media’s tendency to make a story out of every silly Tweet issued by Donald Trump, who is the poster boy for the idiots with money contingent). The correct editorial response to this whining asshole should have been, “who gives a fuck?,” but, assignment editors feel duty-bound by conventional wisdom to give the rich asshole a soapbox.

    Whether this is intended to foster a reverence in the public for rich people, I don’t know, but, if it is, it’s not working.

  3. They have one last hope: President Trump, hear our desperate pleas and give us All of the Water.

  4. I think it’s appropriate to repurpose a line from a snide comment a few weeks ago.

    To each whiny water-hog of Yorba Linda: SHOW SOME GRATITUDE BITCH.

  5. the sad part. the rich believe they deserve their money. + do not REALISE they are merely lucky. oh, do not give me bootstraps. its only warfare when WE FIGHT BACK.

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