Ron Fournier Knows What’s Best For You Sillyheads

Oh, you VOTERS, thinking you get to make your own minds up! You obviously just don’t know what’s best for you!

Look, I understand why you’re angry. We’ve got stupid leaders who can’t get anything done, who don’t care about you, who are feckless and helpless, and who’ve forgotten how to beat the rest of the world.

Trump channels your anger. He talks the way you do. He validates concerns that both major parties and the media ignore—or mock.

He’s just fooling you, you gullible, gullible children! Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you understand what I, wise Ron Fournier, understand, which is that everyone on the GOP debate stage not named Trump was clearly more serious than Trump?


I hope you heard the other candidates, especially those who are trying to show that they understand your anger and want to address it.

They want to do so in the following ways: Build a giant wall across the southern border, repeal Obamacare, let you die rather than give you an abortion, and cut taxes for their rich friends. They favor charter schools, union-busting, and Biblical tithing as an economic model on which to run a country.

Did you not hear how different from Trump they are?! How could you not hear them? They used such big words!

How stupid are you, anyway?

Did you know that Trump favors deporting 11 million illegal immigrants before returning most of them to the United States? Of this expensive, if not unworkable, idea, Trump told CNNrecently, “I would have an expedited way of getting them back into the country so they can be legal.”

That’s gold-plated amnesty. Is that really what you want?

GO TO YOUR ROOM. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. Ron Fournier is not letting you out of there until supper is over.

Look, I won’t raise my kid in a country where Donald Trump is president, but I won’t raise her in one where Scott Walker is president either, and let’s not pretend that they’re really all that different. Walker may be slightly more efficient at screwing people over these days, and less likely to pick a fight with TV hairdos who already hate him. That doesn’t make him better for anybody inclined towards voting Republican than Trump is. Which is to say TERRIBLE, but damn, let people go to hell the way they want to.