Republican Malakatude

We already knew that many Republicans are wankers and malakas, but they’re starting to take it literally. There have been two masturbation references from GOPers in the last week, and one of them came from a Presidential campaign. Tailgunner Ted Cruz’s communications director Rick Tyler is busy trying to beat off flack caused by Teddy Boy’s New York values gaffe. He posted a Tweet that linked to this story:

On Tuesday, Hot Octopuss erected what it called a “GuyFi” booth on 28th Street and 5th Avenue in New York City, where men could, in theory, go to “relieve stress.”

The company simply put a cloth over a phone booth in what amounted to a marketing gimmick. Inside was a chair and a laptop.

Hot Octopuss was inspired by a Time Out survey, which concluded that 39% of the New York men it questioned admitted to masturbating while at work. A more expansive Glamour survey of 1,000 men in 2012 suggested 31% of its readers have done so.

Hot Octopuss created the booth so men can “take this habit out of the office and into a more suitable environment designed to give the busy Manhattan man the privacy, and the high-speed Internet connection, he deserves.”

“We may be insinuating that these booths could be used in whichever way anyone would like to ‘self soothe,’” a representative tells Mashable, “but the brand is not actively encouraging people to masturbate in public as that is an illegal offense.”

The company claims approximately 100 men used the booth on its inaugural day.

I guess the Cruz camp had an intern googling New York masturbation. Stay classy, Team Cruz.

GOP enemies of the Insult Comedian seem to have masturbation on their minds too. Political Consultant Rick Wilson whipped this insult out on MSNBC:

While explaining that he believes that Donald Trump’s success in the Republican party does not mean that establishment conservatism is dying, GOP strategist Rick Wilson dismissed the “childless single men” who support Trump’s presidential bid.

“The fact of the matter is, most of them are childless single men who masturbate to anime. They’re not real political players. These are not people who matter in the overall course of humanity,” Wilson said of Trump supporters on MSNBC’s “All In with Chris Hayes.”

Has there been a focus group to determine this? They could interview wankers as they exit the GuyFi booth. I wonder if anime is involved in that enterprise. Also, are these beat off booths named for professional bro Guy Fieri? The mind reels…

Just when you think campaign 2016 has hit bottom, they break out a jackhammer and dig deeper. I wonder if Ricks Tyler and Wilson are familiar with Pete Townshend’s ode to the joys of monkey spanking, Pictures of Lily. Holy London values, Batman.

I’ll give The Who the last word:




One thought on “Republican Malakatude

  1. “childless single men who masturbate to anime. They’re not real political players. These are not people who matter in the overall course of humanity…”

    Sounds like Fox News viewers to me.

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