Not the Onion, guys: 

The president of Mount St. Mary’s University in Maryland on Monday fired two faculty members without any faculty review of his action or advance notice. One was a tenured professor who had recently criticized some of the president’s policies. The other was the adviser to the student newspaper that revealed the president recently told faculty members concerned about his retention plans that they needed to change the way they view struggling students. “This is hard for you because you think of the students as cuddly bunnies, but you can’t. You just have to drown the bunnies … put a Glock to their heads,” the president said.

Clearly reporting that is far, far more offensive than, you know, SAYING IT. Basically this asshole figured out a way to peg students who’d be losers on day one and make sure they got rid of themselves or else he’d do it for them. From the Mountain Echo’s excellent news story on the topic: 

On Sept. 21, after giving a presentation in Knott Auditorium to a group of freshmen about the orientation survey results, Newman spoke to a small group of faculty and administrators, including Murry. According to Murry, Newman asked him to compile a list of freshmen whom Veritas Symposium professors had determined were not likely to complete their freshman year successfully.

Murry responded that “we don’t have enough information to determine that, and you might be kicking out some students who would make it.”

According to Murry, Newman replied, “there will be some collateral damage.”

Collateral damage. Like being kicked out of college or possibly tossed in a sack in the river. METAPHORICALLY OF COURSE.

Following the article’s publication the university proceeded to threaten and intimidate the student journalists like a bunch of ten-a-penny-fascisti:

Some accuse the Echo of not having given President Simon Newman a ‘fair shake’ when it came time to talk about retention rates. The president called our article “one sided” in a campus-wide email on Jan. 20, saying that he “offered to sit down with the Echo” without mentioning that the Echo had given his office over a month to offer email comment on an article that he was well aware could be published at any moment after Dec. 9.

In addition, one of the reporters who wrote the story personally approached the president after his open forum with underclassmen on Dec. 8, asking if he had any comment and inviting him to submit a letter to the editor or an Op-Ed piece, either of which the Echo would have published.

All to prevent this jerkwad from being embarrassed because he said embarrassing, stupid shit IN WRITING. I swear, is there a human alive right now who doesn’t know you don’t write stuff like this down? I mean it, anyone? He’s gone and fired the kids’ advisor, which they have rightly told him is the worst kind of bullshit:

Ryan Golden, managing editor of the newspaper, said he was “appalled” and upset by Egan’s dismissal. “He has been a good mentor for students, always encouraging us, always raising questions of ethics about our reporting.”

A.