Stand By Your Thug: Team Trump Malakatude Update

Last week chief Trump thug Corey Lewandowski was malaka of the week. Yesterday, he was charged with simpleton simple battery in Jupiter, Florida. Since the Insult Comedian is perfect, he’s backing his thuggish bouncer of a campaign manager and making wild excuses for his inexcusable behavior:

“She was off base,” Trump told CNN’s Anderson Cooper. “She had a pen in her hand, which Secret Service is not liking because they don’t know what it is, whether it’s a little bomb.”

During a Wednesday morning interview on “Fox and Friends,” Trump said Fields was carrying a pen, suggesting that pens were not allowed at the March 8 press conference in Florida where the incident occurred.

“She’s got a pen in her hand, which she’s not supposed to have,” he said. “Secret Service can tell you that.”

Trump also addressed the charges filed against Lewandowski during an interview on Fox News with Sean Hannity. A spokeswoman for the campaign on Tuesday said that Lewandowski would not be fired even if he was convicted of the battery charge.

The manliest of manly men is afraid of a female reporter with a pen? Pens are banned from his events? It should be astonishing that the Insult Comedian is dragging the Secret Service into his web of preposterous lies, but it’s not. It’s what Trump does. We’ve all known people, usually men, who *always* have to be right, and can convince themselves of *anything* to support their delusional infallibility. That’s the Insult Comedian in a wingnutshell. His shamelessly shameful handling of the Fields-Lewandowski incident is one reason that he’s going to be a LOSER in the general election according to Slate’s Jim Newell:

Trump has backed himself into a corner. He has mastered the means of securing a plurality in a Republican primary by bullying and bluster, followed by refusal to back down and portraying that refusal as much-needed strength. But taking steps to ease concerns among Republican voters who aren’t his base, much less with the general electorate, would require running a different campaign—one that might begin with, say, the firing of a campaign manager who lied about battering a female reporter and now faces criminal charges over the incident. Running a different campaign might have meant that he would have never gotten this far in the first place, but it’s what he needs to do if he wants to become president. It would probably require being a different person, perhaps one with a barely sound moral compass. We’ve seen enough to rule out the possibility of that.

In a normal campaign the prime directive is PROTECT THE CANDIDATE, which means that Lewandowski would have stepped down, if not last week, then last night. Trump’s belief that the normal rules of society do not apply to him will be his undoing in the general election. An astonishing 70% of women have a negative opinion of him. I cannot imagine why. #sarcasm

Given the aura of violence surrounding the campaign, it’s not surprising that Team Trump has gone from mansplaining to manhandling. I think only the most blindly devoted among them will buy what he’s selling in this tweet:

A pen bomb? Is that the best you can do, Donald? A pen held by a reporter for a right-wing organ is suddenly contraband? Oy, just oy.

There’s another weird twist to this story involving Lewandowski’s lawyer. Here’s my headline: FLORIDA LAWYER BIT A STRIPPER IN 1996.

It’s just another day on the Trump campaign.

I originally planned to give Tammy Wynette the last word, but since the Insult Comedian would be afraid of her potentially weaponized big hair, the Lyle Lovett version will have to do; pun intended. He *did* have big hair back in the ’80’s and ’90’s, but he’s not a femme fatale:

Just substitute thug for man and Bob’s your uncle. Btw, I have no idea why there’s an image of four Asian dudes on that video. I guess the Trumpian surreality is contagious. So it goes.

5 thoughts on “Stand By Your Thug: Team Trump Malakatude Update

  1. Trump is also threatening a “counterclaim” against Fields in the criminal charge against Lewandowski. My grounding is in civil not criminal law, but I don’t think third party counterclaims are allowed in a criminal proceeding. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am, and Trump’s bluster is breathtakingly ignorant.

    1. You are correct. Trump knows from civil cases but bupkis about criminal law. He kept saying Lewandowski shouldn’t settle: the real term is plea bargain. Many people would do that since it’s a misdemeanor but Trump’s perfection has rubbed off on the thug.

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