Isn’t There An Easier Way to Spend Your Money? or, I Don’t Get Sheldon Adelson’s Strategy Here

Let’s give Sheldon Adelson the benefit of the doubt and say that he is sincerely interested in bettering Israel.

Trump, Adelson told another Times reporter, “will be good for Israel.”

Why is Donald Trump his best option to give Israel a hand? 

The casino magnate Sheldon G. Adelson told Donald J. Trump in a private meeting last week that he was willing to contribute more to help elect him than he has to any previous campaign, a sum that could exceed $100 million, according to two Republicans with direct knowledge of Mr. Adelson’s commitment.

Couldn’t he just, like, give Israel a shitload of money himself and cut out the middleman?

Mr. Adelson, 82, the chief executive of Las Vegas Sands, is among the world’s wealthiest individuals and has given hundreds of millions of dollars to Republican candidates and causes over the years. In 2012, he contributed at least $98 million to Republican efforts, according to a study by ProPublica. But that money went to 34 separate campaigns and groups.

Wouldn’t that be a better way to go about this?

What does buying an Israel-friendly president get Israel that Sheldon Adelson’s kind of money doesn’t? The US only gives Israel like $4 billion dollars in aid; Sheldon Adelson could do that FIVE TIMES OVER and still have change left in his couch cushions to pay for dinner. He could buy Israel for himself, house by house, until he owned most of the country.

Or he could  buy whatever he thinks Israel needs or wants, and ship it to Israel directly.

I get people who want to buy a mayor or alderman so they have somebody who owes them favors like fixing their streets and shit. But if you have Adelson’s level of wealth, why are you not just bypassing the entire political system? Isn’t that the point of being that rich? Like why even bother with politics? Just run right over the process, dude, and show up in Tel Aviv like the weirdest fairy godmother ever. Fly your big-ass plane over there and start granting wishes.

If I had Adelson’s kind of money and I cared about, let’s say, Holland — because that’s where my peeps is from — I could look at the presidential field and find a candidate who was Holland-sexual and give him a billion dollars on the assumption that he would then give Holland a billion dollars to do … Dutch stuff.

Or I could just start stocking up on tulip bulbs and weed myself.

The latter seems like a lot less work and a lot more fun.


3 thoughts on “Isn’t There An Easier Way to Spend Your Money? or, I Don’t Get Sheldon Adelson’s Strategy Here

  1. It isn’t just the money. I imagine he wants a president who will continue the US’s tight military and intelligence co-operation with Israel, and continue to support her in the UN and elsewhere. Of course Clinton is likely to do all that, but he might think Trump is a safer bet.

  2. Politicians are cheap–they’re a really good buy, value for the money, etc.

    And Adelson got rich by having other people pay his way–that’s how billionaires do it. Why should Adelson give Israel a bunch of his own money, when he can get a politician bought on the cheap (relatively speaking) to give Israel even more out of the public treasury?

    Beyond that, I kinda doubt that Adelson could get the licenses to buy Israel guns and bombs, which is what they really want, so it’s kind of necessary, in this case, to have a politician do your gun-running for you. And, in those times when President T.rump isn’t slavishly devoting his time to Israel for Mr. Adelson, he can be working on making life easier and more profitable for the casino owners of the country. That’s a win-win for Adelson, who then has even more pin money to spend on his hobby–batshit insane right-wing politics and buying batshit insane right-wing politicians.

    Among Adelson’s class, the watchword is: never use your own money. That’s why he isn’t cutting out the middleman.

  3. Adelson’s other hobbyhorse, which he feels just as strongly about as Israel, but which gets not one tenth the press, is shutting down Internet gambling—and if that means shutting down the Internet and state lotteries, he’s fine with that too. He keeps buying Congresscritters to get his Restore America’s Wire Act passed (criminalizing use of the Internet for any gambling, so goodbye Powerball!), and one of these days he’ll probably manage it.

    It may be that he sees Trump and his casino interests as a natural ally on that front as well as whatever he can do for Israel.

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