America’s Whoopee Cushion

Is Reince Priebus, just at the moment: 

Priebus repeatedly referred to the problems political professionals have had assessing Trump’s candidacy, saying people have been “completely wrong about Donald Trump and the playbook.”

Trump seems all but certain to formally become the GOP nominee at the party’s convention, despite his insulting entire voting blocs and personal invectives against many of his rivals.

“He’s been trying very hard to be presidential and gracious and I think he’s actually done a nice job of that lately,” Priebus said of Trump, “And I expect him to continue working at it and getting the job done.”

LOOK GUYS HE IS TRYING, OKAY? He’s trying to be presidential! He’s speaking in complete sentences and not calling anybody a cunt anymore, not in writing at least. Yesterday an intern dropped a pen she was trying to hand him and Trump only called her a “dumb bimbo slut” once. He’s putting his back into this!

You can practically hear the deep breathing exercises he’s forcing himself to do, Priebus. If he’s not on heavy drugs he will be by July. GONNA BE OKAY GONNA BE OKAY GONNA BE OKAY, he’s whispering under his breath, while his poor assistants field hourly calls from the Hillary campaign asking if they have Prince Albert in a can. The behind-the-scenes on this is going to make Game Change look like Henry V.

The Republicans’ convention logistics were shit-tastic in 2008 and worse in 2014 — remember the fucked-up green screens behind McCain, and Dirty Harry yelling at a chair? — but this, I cannot picture. The former presidents are refusing to speak. Senators are saying they’re washing their hair that week. You can only have Bill Donohue up there for so long talking about the homosexuals before everybody gets vaguely grossed out. Who’s introducing Trump? Who’s in prime time?

And here’s Reince saying hey, he’s trying to act like they want him to act. Because being what they want him to be is not a possibility, so the most they can hope for is that Trump tries to act presidential.

Talk about the soft bigotry of low expectations.


2 thoughts on “America’s Whoopee Cushion

  1. “The Republicans’ convention logistics were shit-tastic in 2008 and worse in 2014…”

    2012, not 2014.

    1. Just for the “Prince Albert in a can” line alone, I can forgive any minor date mistake.

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