The Natural Family, Blessed By God

Die in a thousand fires, you solipsistic, privileged dick: 

Donald Trump unveiled something resembling a plan to give new parents a child-care tax credit, but one of his strongest supporters already sounds wary of it.

While being interviewed by CNN’s Chris Cuomo on Wednesday, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) expressed skepticism about whether Trump could really find enough money to pay for his plan just by eliminating “waste, fraud and abuse” in unemployment insurance.

Even more interesting, however, was King’s assertion that only “natural families” ought to benefit from the proposed policy.

In other words: No gay people need apply.

“I want to respect all people, but I want to promote the natural family, Chris, and I think that’s the most wholesome thing we can do,” King said. “The natural family is a man and a woman joined together in — hopefully — holy matrimony, blessed by God with children.”

“Blessed by God with children?” I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

How do we determine they were blessed by God? Are the children marked in some way, like Harry Potter’s lightning bolt? Is there a mole somewhere that identifies them as being born of true virtue? I would assume those born of rape, incest, or just because the condom broke wouldn’t have this holy signifier.

Do accidental honeymoon babies count? What if the mother is pregnant on her wedding day but doesn’t know it and finds out later? Does that factor in? Do we date the blessing by conception date, or circumstances? Does it matter if the couple is engaged?

Are adoptive families, including LGBT families, not blessed? Are foster parents not blessed? Those people work harder for their families on their laziest day than any knocked-up-on-prom-night teenager ever will; why is that not a blessing?

If you have a child via surrogate, who is blessed? You? The surrogate? What if there’s a sperm or egg donor? Are you and your husband blessed or is it the owners of the biological material? Should you, at the very least, have to split your “natural family” credit with them?

Is a “natural family” one that includes grandparents? If you’re raising your grandbaby, is that baby your “natural family” or do you have to apply for some kind of personal adjustment or naturalization certificate? None of this makes any sense to me.

A well-meaning churchgoer once told me, when I was trying to get pregnant and worried about my age, of the story of Abraham and Sara. I suppose she was trying to be encouraging: “See, geriatrics like you, in your mid-30s, have babies all the time!” But what I heard was, “Biological children are for those deemed worthy, so if you don’t have a child by magic, clearly you are not worthy in the eyes of God.”

I wonder if my family — whose story goes something like, “when two people love each other very very much and involve a team of doctors and surgeons, if they’re very lucky they can make a baby” — would be considered “natural” by King’s standards. I wonder if we’d be considered blessed by God.

“I want to respect all people,” says that store brand fascist up there, that knock-off version of a human being, whose political career consists of being bought out of the back of somebody’s van in a stadium parking lot. Sure, Stevie. You want to respect all people, but not so much that you consider all people like PEOPLE or anything. You want to respect some people more than others, and you’re not even bothering to hide very well who you think counts more.



One thought on “The Natural Family, Blessed By God

  1. So is my wife, who became a stepmom when she married me, blessed or not? Etc. Steve King of Iowa is so awful that Steve King, Republican of New York, who is no prize himself, refuses to be seen with him.

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