Introducing Governor Tongue

I took some heat for calling Libertarian nominee Gary Johnson Governor Weed last week. Why, I’ll never know but I did. Btw, I’m for pot legalization. I’ve been to 75 Grateful Dead shows, and I’m a member of Krewe du Vieux:

kdv papers

Now that I’ve shown my papers, draw your own conclusions. There’s another thing that picture proves: I’m a shitty photographer but I have a nice desk. Guess that’s two things.

Back to Gary Johnson. You’re probably wondering why I’m calling him Governor Tongue. It’s because of this interview with MSNBC’s Kasie Hunt:

In case you don’t believe what you just saw, here’s a close-up:


Who does that on live teevee? It seems that Johnson has something of a tongue fetish:

He once shut himself inside a freezer, to prove he could withstand the cold; he clamped an alligator clip on to his tongue, to show he could withstand pain.

I’m not sure if he thinks he’s Houdini or G. Gordon Liddy but I am certain that he’s a doofus. Perhaps he’s trying to prove that he’s as undignified as the Insult Comedian. It’s a good thing he has about as much chance of being elected President as Oscar or Della.

Writing about Governor Tongue has given me an earworm. It’s a Crowded House song, which has one of the odder opening lines in rock history:

Seal my fate
I get your tongue in the mail
No one is wise
Until they see how it lies

Now that I think of it, that lyric applies to the liars who populate Team Trump as well. Anyway, here’s the song:

Btw, Neil Finn is as fond of the herb as Governor Weed. I may just have to alternate the two nicknames, he said with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

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