Adrastos, Congress, Elections, Political Crack

Willard Mittbot Romney Reboot?

That useless old hack Orrin Hatch has announced that he’s retiring from the Senate at the end of his term. In 2017, Hatch was best known for ramming through the GOP’s tax heist bill and for kissing Donald Trump’s ass in public. The greatest president* of your lifetime, Orrin? I didn’t know you’d broken up with Ronnie.

The MSM has anointed a successor who it believes will ride a horse named Rafalca into Washington and lead Republicans back to the conservative promised land: Willard Mittbot Romney. Say what? The stiff, robotic chap who lost to Obama in 2012 and sucked Trump’s dick so hard that he left teeth marks? Yeah, that guy. The guy that conservative columnist Ross Douthat is actually right about:

Romney’s direct role in Trump’s ascent was modest but telling. He didn’t just accept the Trump imprimatur in his campaign against Barack Obama; he flew to Las Vegas to have the endorsement bestowed upon him, issued some flattering words about his endorser’s awesome business acumen and essentially averted his eyes from the conspiracy theories about President Obama’s origins that Trump was then enthusiastically peddling.

Like most prominent Republicans at the time, Romney no doubt assumed that the fever swamp stuff didn’t need to be attacked, that it would evaporate once the G.O.P. won back the White House. But instead the fever swamp stuff helped hand the G.O.P. to Trump himself, and the birther’s grip-and-grin with an uncomfortable Romney was a small but notable milestone on that path.

Thanks to Willard I just quoted that dipshit Douthat approvingly. Thanks, Mittbot.

It *is* true that the Mittbot has harshly criticized Trump’s style. BUT do we really need another Republican who will criticize his crudity but vote for his polices a la Jeff Flake and Bob Corker? That’s my expectation of a Senator Romney. Willard has not exactly been a profile in courage during his public life. Remember: the ACA was based on Romneycare but he not only denied authorship of his signature public accomplishment, but became an advocate of “repeal and replace.”

Steve Bannon claims that he’ll run a humanoid against Mittbot but it’s unlikely to work. First, Utahns get the vapors over Trump’s manners. Second, the extended Romney clan has been big in Mormon circles since the early days. They’re not Nauvoo on the LDS scene. Finally, Bannon’s stroke in Trumper circles may wither and die as a result of his calling the Manafort- Slumlord Jared-Junior meeting with the Russians “treasonous.” Bannon finally got something right, y’all.

As a satirist, I’m glad to have Willard Mittbot Romney to kick around again. As a citizen, I wish the people of Utah would elect a Democrat to replace Hatch but that’s unlikely.

I went a googling and found this swell circa 2012 illustration by Danny Schwartz:

I hope those guys are available for the reboot. The Birther-in-Chief is ready to pounce on the MSM’s robotic “hero,” but Rafalca is ready to rumble and she’s bigger and much prettier than the Insult Comedian. Of course, who isn’t prettier?