My Boyfriend John Kerry Has a Book Out and is Thus Everywhere

Globe. Twitter.  Colbert, where he was just idiotically charming and inspiring as usual:

He’s 18 feet tall and I love him so much. I love how boringly passionate he is about the actual, you know, COUNTRY, and his job, and all the ordinary stuff you’re supposed to care about when you work for us.

I’m so glad he talked about trying to bring McCain onto the ticket in 2004, because I feel like that was a real chance to stop what’s happened since, and not enough people recognized it at the time. Fuck, I will never be over the 2004 election. We fought so goddamn hard and goddamn did we lose.

And let me just say, this is not the place for shit-talking Kerry nor, quite frankly, any other potential 2020 candidate as UGH GOD NO (even if said candidate is Bernie or Hillz). For starters, literally nothing a Democrat is doing right now in order to stand up to the president is bad, and after that, the earth is caving in NOW. The people throwing dynamite into the chasm hope we’re all out here on Left Twitter screaming at each other about 2020, so we won’t notice there are kids still in cages.

Hillary shouldn’t go knit and Bernie shouldn’t shut up and Kerry and Biden and every other Democrat shouldn’t go away. I’m sick of the chorus of nay-sayers for EVERYBODY.

Look. We’re gonna get who we get in 2020. We’re all gonna fight like hell for who we want and then we’re gonna get who we get and in case you think I’m just mouthing at you here are my votes in the presidential primaries in order as I remember them: Bill Clinton, John McCain (trying to stop Bush), Howard Dean, Chris Dodd, Bernie Sanders. I have never gotten what I wanted at the top of the ticket, never even once, and I know a hell of a lot of other people in the same exact boat.

Denis Leary had a joke about how dumb it was to ban gay people from serving in the military, went something like, “You want to fuck other guys? Here’s another guy and a gun, go!” That’s kind of how I feel about potential presidential candidates. I LOVE BERNIE! Here’s Bernie and a bunch of voter registration forms, go! I love Cory Booker! Here’s Cory Booker and a phone bank, go! I love Kamala Harris! Here’s Kamala Harris and some yard signs, go!

Nobody’s too old or too young or too conservative or too liberal or too socialist or too ANYTHING right now.

We need more loud and proud voices from the left AND center-left of American politics right now. We need more of literally any point of view that isn’t the Trump/Ryan/McConnell complex. I don’t want to see anybody shouted down right now. I want us all out there at the top of our lungs saying my candidate thinks what’s happening is crap and so do I and so do all my friends and we’re gonna vote.

It’s too early to tell people to shut up. We’ve barely started talking.


ps. For more on the not-at-all-controversial topic of “whatever, I will vote for a pile of dogshit with a D after its name for every office in the land from now until the end of time,” see this piece from before the 2016 election. Been banging this drum for a while.

pps. Seriously, lay off Kerry, he very nearly unseated an incumbent Republican president during wartime, and until recently he was trying to keep us out of nuclear war even though nobody was paying him to do that, you ungrateful childish fucks.

2 thoughts on “My Boyfriend John Kerry Has a Book Out and is Thus Everywhere

  1. I think we were robbed in 2004 – weren’t there some hinkey jinks in Ohio? I’d love to see another person of color run for us in 2020. Best way to get out the vote and a huge rebuke of tRumpism.

  2. Athenae, this was well worth the wait — I expected it the morning after Kerry visited with Rachel Matthews! I remember ’04 (and yes, the VP candidate WAS a jerkwad, but we didn’t know it for sure at the time. Hella rather have voted Kerry/McCain than McCain/Lieberman, tho.) Ohio was hinky as hell.

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