Carnival is about to kick into high gear and it looks as if it may be a wet season. There are few things worse than parading or watching in the rain. What was the old cliché? Oh yeah, don’t rain on my parade. I’m not a fan of being fenced in either.

This week’s theme song is a longtime favorite of mine. It was written in 1961 by Henry Mancini and Johnny Mercer for the classic movie Breakfast At Tiffany’s. Moon River has some of Mercer’s best, and most evocative, lyrics. I’m still waiting round the bend for my huckleberry friend but they haven’t shown up. So it goes.

We have two versions for your listening pleasure:  a jazzy interpretation by the great Sarah Vaughan and a swinging version by my homey Dr. John.

Now that we’re huckleberry friends, we won’t wait until the end to jump to the break.

While we’re on the subject of moon songs, here are my former 13th Ward neighbors:

I’m in the mood for Doo-Wop, so how about another moon song for the road?

Let’s kick off our second act with a blast from the past: a review of former special prosecutor Ken Starr’s recent book about the Clinton scandals, which were trumped-up as opposed to the Trump scandals, which are not.

Presumed Guilty: Historian Sean Wilentz has read Ken Starr’s Contempt: The Clinton Investigation so we don’t have to. His verdict: Starr is a smug, sanctimonious piece of shit. The last bit was my gloss on the review. I doubt that Professor Wilentz would disagree.

Wilentz reminds us that Brett Kavanaugh was one of Starr’s top assistants and wrote some of the more lurid passages in the Starr Report. He also likes beer, I hear.

The Hell’s Kitchen Path To Health: Kay Tilden Frost and her children are autistic. They had serious food issues until they started watching Hell’s Kitchen with Gordon Ramsay. Somehow the shouting chef helped Frost and her kids overcome. I am not making this up. The details are at Slate.

Are you ready for another Vulture list? I certainly am.

And The Winner Is: Vulture’s Tim Grierson and Will Leitch have rated every movie to win the best picture Oscar from worst to best. By my own count, I’ve seen 86 of the 90 winners. I think they nailed most of the selections. I think they’re a little hard on Oliver but I have a soft spot for everything Dickensian. More, sir:

Given the giant clusterfuck that has been the run-up to this year’s ceremony, I’m skipping it for the second year in a row. The whole no host thing is ridiculous but I understand why nobody wants to do it after the Kevin Hart fiasco. Besides, social media hot takes make the gig unappealing to potential hosts. So it goes.

It’s time for our third act featuring, uh, regular features

The Weekly GV: This week’s entry is a quote from the Master’s 1990 novel Hollywood, which covers the Wilson and Harding years. This passage is about Harding bag man Jess Smith:

Lately, Jess had started to keep a notebook in which he recorded the name of every important person he met in the course of a day. In Washington his fingers soon got tired, adding up the day’s score. Even so, he was looking forward to Mrs. Bingham’s reception. A wealthy window, Mrs. Bingham conducted what Jess first thought was a political “saloon” like a bar and grill until it was explained to him what a salon was.

Dollars to donuts, Trump doesn’t know the difference between a saloon and a salon either. I suspect the Insult Comedian thinks Gore Vidal and Vidal Sassoon are the same guy.

Let’s move on to our favorite stolen feature: this time starring a man and a muppet. Now that I think of it, that’s one of Gordon Ramsay’s favorite insults. Here he is with the Swedish Chef:

I wonder if Gordon called him a meatball?

I should apologize for that digression but I won’t. Back to our favorite stolen feature.

Separated At Birth: The MSM loves to report fundraising totals as if they’re super meaningful. They were giddy over Bernie Sanders’ first day total. So what? He still looks like Waldorf the balcony blowhard on The Muppet Show:

Perhaps the Senator should grow a mustache to perfect the resemblance. Waldorf has been famous much longer than Sanders, after all. I like his hotel and salad too.

In case you’re unfamiliar with Statler and Waldorf’s work, here’s a wee compilation video:

Saturday GIF Horse: The best high school band in New Orleans is the St. Augustine Marching 100. Here they are doing their thing on the parade route.

Weekly Vintage Music Video: I’ve been on a Rolling Stones bender for the last week. They were my soundtrack for my Krewe du Vieux prep this year. They really got me rocking: hey, hey.

Here’s a swell single from 1994’s Voodoo Lounge album.

Saturday Classic: Longtime readers know that I love Count Basie almost as much as Mick Jagger loves money. Here’s a swell-n-swinging 1958 album:

That’s it for this week. Since Moon River from Breakfast At Tiffany’s is our theme song, the last word goes to Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly: