I’ve been so focused on our own political nightmare that I haven’t written recently about Great Britain’s very own clusterfuck, Brexit. It’s the crisis that won’t end. It’s currently in the hands of a thoroughly unscrupulous and mendacious Tory Prime Minister, Boris Johnson. He has weird hair as well but you knew that already.
John Crace is the Guardian’s parliamentary sketch writer and one of the UK’s leading political satirists. His nickname for the Current Occupant of 10 Downing Street, the Incredible Sulk, is a classic.
Westminster is often accused of operating in its own bubble. If only all of its MPs were always that honourable. For the prime minister’s statement on his latest Brexit proposals, the sparsely attended government benches appeared to exist entirely in a vacuum. Both actual and moral. Deprived of oxygen and any contingent sense of reality, the Tories hallucinated a parallel future. One in which the party had reunited behind an impossible dream. Where the past was not so much another country, as another planet.
At the cabinet meeting in the morning, Boris Johnson had promised colleagues he would be a model of “gelatinous emollience” towards everyone, including Labour MPs and the EU27. And he was as good as his word. There was no talk of surrender and traitors, no childish tantrums, just lavish displays of courtesy. Except Boris just can’t do sincerity. His whole act is based on a lack of moderation and the time to worry is when he’s being nice. That’s when you know he’s lying. Even more than usual.
At least their asshole leader is capable of synthetic warmth. President* Pennywise radiates misplaced rage and menace. He should take acting lessons from Bozza.
The last word goes to the Who-Fakers with a Boris The Spider parody posted when the Incredible Sulk became Prime Minister: