As the campaign season unfolds, it becomes clear that the fate of the Republic is hanging by a thread or like Harold Lloyd in the featured image. If the election is a fair one, it’s clear that President* Pennywise will lose. But he and his minions are determined to steal the election. The good news is that they’re doing it in broad daylight when such a theft is best accomplished covertly as in 2016.
Even better news for those of us who believe in democracy, the man who brought peace to the Middle East and tamed the pandemic, Jared Kushner, is Team Trump’s election fuckery point man. Why the Kaiser of Chaos still thinks he’s a renaissance man is beyond me. Of course, a fuck-up is bound to identify with another fuck-up. Incompetence thy name is Team Trump.
The avenue of election fuckery that concerns me the most is Trump’s Postmaster General messing with the mail. But they’re facing a ferocious push back and have been known to cave when that happens. Stay tuned.
There are many dire post-election scenarios out there. Some think the Impeached Insult Comedian will simply refuse to leave office. The proponents of this view are unclear how this can be accomplished. Once Joe Biden takes the oath of office, Trump’s orders will be ignored. Given Trump’s strained relationship with the military brass, a Seven Days In May type coup isn’t going to happen.
Others fear that Trumpers will take to the street, riot, and augment the confusion caused by their dear leader. I’m skeptical. Recent pro-Trump rallies have flopped as more and more of his supporters realize they’ve been marks in an elaborate con job. There are enough armed extremists out there to cause trouble but not enough to keep the Kaiser of Chaos in office.
The preceding scenarios illustrate why it’s important to roll up the popular vote as well as win the electoral college. If, like me, you live in a red state, your vote still matters. Running up the score will make the Trumpers think twice about pulling any extra-constitutional stunts. Did I just use Trumper and think in the same sentence? There’s a first time for everything.
Let’s turn to the alternative scenario of the title. Trump has a well-established pattern of running away from trouble. This meme from 2018 sums it up:
He’s all bluster and bullshit. He’s a physical and moral coward. If there’s a blowout. he’ll fold like a cheap suit. It’s what happened when the legitimacy and legality of Trump University and the Trump Foundation were questioned. He quit. He’s a quitter, y’all.
In this scenario, President* Pennywise and his lawyers will cut a deal with Mike Liar Liar Pence On Fire. A resignation in exchange for a pardon. That would make Pence the 46th president for a few months. That puffed-up little chump will jump at the chance to piously lie, “there was no deal, that would be inappropriate.” It’s the only way Pence will ever be the Oval One. He’ll be a Hoosier Hasbeen after the election.
Trump would cite poor health as his reason for resigning during the lame duck period. If he buys into it, he’ll be the sickest man in human history, tremendously ill, and all the usual bluster and bullshit. Lying is like breathing to this evil fucker.
A reminder that a presidential pardon only covers federal crimes. New York DA Cy Vance will still be on the case; many of Trump’s crimes took place in the Empire State.
Whatever happens, we can expect a flurry of post-election presidential pardons. The most interesting question is whether Trump would issue an anticipatory pardon of Princess Ivanka and Slumlord Jared. Jerry Ford pardoned Tricky Dick *before* he’d been charged with anything. I’m not sure that Trump would do it: his sense of family loyalty is limited as his niece Mary can attest. Donald threw her father, Freddy, to the wolves, after all.
On the 46th anniversary of Tricky’s quitting, historian Michael Beschloss posted this picture of his farewell address:
I had long thought that Nixon’s bizarre, rambling, and shambolic speech was the weirdest thing to ever happen in the White House. It’s a daily occurrence with the Impeached Insult Comedian: the man who cannot pronounce Yosemite. Hasn’t he ever hear of Yo Semite Sam? Oy, just oy.
The last word goes to James Taylor with a song that begins with these lyrics:
Remember Richard Nixon back in ’74
And the final scene at the White House door
And the staff lined up to say good-bye,
Tiny tear in his shifty little eye,
He said, “nobody knows me, nobody understands.
These little people were good to me,
Oh I’m gonna shake some hands.”