Why I Believe That Trump Has Covid-19

There are some instant conspiracy theories about the Trump COVID mishigas. I get it. They lie about purt near everything. This is not one of those times.

Team Trump’s lies typically fall into two categories: self-serving lies and self-aggrandizing lies. This is neither. Plus, once they learned about Hope Hicks, their initial impulse was to cover it up. Once the Hicks cat was out of the bag, they had to try something new: telling the truth.

The revelation that President* Pennywise has COVID makes him look like what he is: a fucking moron. He’s been proven wrong in the most dramatic fashion imaginable.

If he gets sick enough, there’s a decent chance that they will seize on this as a pretext to duck future debates, which would be good for the country. I’ve always thought that when things got too hard, Trump would bail. It’s what he’s done his entire life. Scratch a fake tough guy like Trump and they’ll flee. He’s a coward.

I posited an alternative scenario in mid-August. It could be called the resign and pardon scenario. I thought it would happen post-election, but the ground has shifted since then. As I said on Wednesday, Trump knows he’s losing. Contracting the virus could be his excuse to bail and let Pence lose the election instead of him. A pardon would have to be involved, which would doom Pence as it did the infinitely more popular Jerry Ford in 1976.

The pardon and resign scenario has the added benefit of sparing the country a post-election shit show. No one is going to the barricades for Mike Liar Liar Pence On Fire.

Could I be wrong about the resign and pardon scenario? Yes. I’ve been wrong before and will be again. It’s part of being a pundit.

Repeat after me: Donald Trump is a pussy. He should grab himself.

The last word goes to Eric Clapton DBA Derek & The Dominoes:

UPDATE: Joe and Jill Biden have tested negative. As expected, the White House has resumed lying. So it goes.

5 thoughts on “Why I Believe That Trump Has Covid-19

  1. Michael D. Storey says:

    Judith pointed this out at breakfast. My immediate reaction was that he was seeking the sympathy vote. I think that it’s a long way to jump just to get out of the debates, considering that his behavior in the debate was so similar to his campaign stops. I reckon that all he has is his base. And he is as base as they are. I wonder if he will fake his own death to escape.

  2. gratuitous says:

    The Trump administration tells the truth. Usually after they’ve run through every possible lie and the truth is inescapably apparent to anyone with two brain cells to rub together. They then deny ever lying or misleading or misinforming or misdirecting anyone at anytime ever and how dare you?

    I saw a clip of Kayleigh McEnany trying to answer questions from the gaggle earlier today. She lied her face off as best she could, then skedaddled away from the music stand/podium like she’d just ripped a wet sour fart. It’s possible even McEnany has her limit.

    • Peter Adrastos Athas says:

      Agreed. I wrote this because of the bizarre conspiracy theories I saw on social media. There’s no way Trump would fake this for sympathy.

  3. We should have some sympathy for the coronavirus.

    After all, it’s got a bad case of Donald Trump.

  4. Gwen says:

    Hi,

    Why do you believe a pardon would be involved if he resigned due to illness? I would go read your other posts, but this site is terrible on my phone. (I will do that later, though, when I have PC access)

    I just found your page today by trying to figure out what “freeperville” meant. Thanks for that! I look forward to reading your other posts. 🙂

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