Gret Stet Senator Double Bill Cassidy was a non-entity during his first term. He’s now trying to position himself as a dealmaker a la former Louisiana Senator John Breaux. It’s a hopeless cause as he lacks Breaux’s wit, charm, and intelligence. In his day, Breaux was one of the best-liked solons, which was an asset when it came time to deal. Double Bill is an empty suit with the wit and charm of a reanimated corpse.

If Cassidy wanted to inherit the Breaux mantle, he dropped it yesterday in his appearance on Meet The Press as reported by TPM’s wonderfully named Summer Concepcion:

After insisting on “Meet the Press” that he will consider the evidence as an “impartial juror” during the impeachment trial, Cassidy accused House Democrats of doing an “incredibly poor job of building a case before their impeachment vote.”

“(Trump) wasn’t there. He wasn’t allowed counsel. They didn’t amass evidence. In five hours, they kind of judged and boom, he’s impeached,” Cassidy said. “Now, I’m told that under the Watergate, under the Clinton impeachments, there were truckloads of information. Here, there was a video. There was no process.”

Cassidy then compared Trump’s second impeachment trial to a “show trial” in the Soviet Union.

“I mean, it’s almost like, you know, if it happened in the Soviet Union, you would’ve called it a show trial,” Cassidy said. “I’m sorry that that’s the way the process went down because process is important when it comes to justice. And there was no defensible process there. But hopefully, they’ll build a case and bring it to us.”

This may be smart politics if you want plaudits from the Impeached Insult Comedian, but it won’t help you cut deals across the aisle. John Breaux always supported the nominee of his party, but rarely took strong stances either in favor of or opposition to presidents of his own party. During the Clinton impeachment melodrama, Breaux largely kept his own counsel but eventually voted against both counts in Clinton’s senate trial. Breaux wanted to keep his options open so he could deal. With the dread Chuck Todd as his witness, Cassidy essentially committed against sanctioning the president* he has sycophantically supported. When substance is not on your side, argue process.

Comparing the second impeachment of Donald Trump to a Soviet show trial may go down well among Dipshit Insurrectionists but it’s historically and factually inaccurate. The Kaiser of Chaos chose not to be represented by counsel and presidents are NEVER PRESENT during House impeachment proceedings. That’s what comes of making hyperbolic historical comparisons: defendants *were* present during the Stalin era show trials. Cassidy’s misuse of this historical analogy is akin to people who comment on things posted on social media without reading them.

This is Double Bill’s second stab at being a dealmaker. He proposed a widely derided health care “reform” bill in conjunction with fellow Trump sycophant, the Incredible Mr. Lindsey. It went nowhere but led to Cassidy becoming a punchline as well as punching bag for teevee chat show host Jimmy Kimmel. I wrote about Double Bill’s failed effort as a dealmaker in a 2017 malaka of the week post.

I was appalled when the MSM painted the group of ten Republican senators who met with President Biden to discuss alternatives to the COVID relief bill as moderates. If Double Bill Cassidy is a moderate, I’m a Nixon idolator.

The main reason that I used the featured image above of Double Bill is that David Vitter is Victor Frankenstein to Cassidy’s creature. Vitter pulled this former Democrat out of obscurity and helped elect him first to the House, then to the Senate. One of many good things about Vitter’s departure from the Senate is that he’s no longer there to pull Cassidy’s strings. The downside is that he was replaced by the phoniest man in Louisiana politics, John Neel Kennedy. The Mr. Haney shtick is wearing thin, dude.

I have no idea why Bill Cassidy thinks he can be a dealmaker. His voting record places him on the right of his own party. Dealmakers typically come from the ideological center of the Senate. His feeble attempts at dealmaking have come to naught thus far. His future efforts are likely doomed by his need to carry water for the oil and chemical industries, which led him to attack President Biden for being petroleum hostile. Fossil fuels are about to live up to their name and go the way of the dinosaurs. The future looks as green as Double Bill’s face in the featured image. Just ask the folks who run Ford and General Motors.

I originally called this post Bill Cassidy Can Go Fuck Himself, but I couldn’t muster the requisite outrage to match the title. He’s too dull a figure to inspire fiery profanity. He’s as dull as dishwater and as bland as tuna casserole. He’s a dull man who inspires tepid condemnation. He’s so boring that I refuse to call him Doctor Senator Cassidy. I tried it once, then scrubbed the idea…

Repeat after me: Bill Cassidy is an empty suit.

The last word goes to the good old Grateful Dead with a Weir-Barlow song that has nothing to do with dull Double Bill: