Call A Crackhead?

Neely and Diaper Dave shake hands.

Gret Stet Senator John Neely Kennedy’s campaign has a new teevee ad. I’m uncertain whether to call it disgusting, despicable, or abhorrent so I’ll call it all three.

It debuted at the end of September but I first saw it during the Saints-Vikings game yesterday:

The campaign calls it Crime. Neely being Neely there’s a closing zinger:

“Look, if you hate cops just because they’re cops, the next time you get in trouble, call a crackhead.”

That was very Nineties of you, John Boy. I’m not sure if crackheads are in vogue but if it sounds good, you’re always willing to go there. I should apologize for calling Neely John Boy. That was very Seventies of me: John Boy Walton was a nice young man played by Richard Thomas who has gone on to a distinguished acting career. The only thing this John does is go on and on and on and on. I wish he’d zip his lip but bloviation is what he does best.

Crime is a deeply cynical commercial by one of the most cynical politicians around. Neely pretends to have just fallen off the proverbial turnip truck when he’s really the sort of slick lawyer who would represent the trucking company. Here’s how I put it in a 2016 post that was quoted in the WaPo:

“Here’s the thing you need to know about” him, wrote politics blogger Peter Adrastos Athas. “He sounds like a redneck ignoramus” in his political ads. When campaigning, he “‘hicks it up’ to appeal to the rubes and peckerwoods. He sounds like a graduate of Podunk U when, in fact, he attended Vanderbilt, UVA law school” and Oxford University.

Did you like how I slipped that quote of a quote thing in? I’m almost as cynical as Neely.

Speaking of cynical, Neely has a lot of nerve running against “woke leaders” who coddle criminals. What about the Dipshit Insurrection? That should lead to defunding the GOP for not supporting the police against violent rioters. I guess it’s okay if they vote Republican.

Defunding the police is the ultimate political red herring. It may be popular on the hipster Twitter left but no national Democratic leader has ever proposed any such thing. As always, the proudly unwoke senator from the Gret Stet of Louisiana was too busy talking to notice.

Neely also pulls the oldest trick in the Louisiana political book by going after crime in New Orleans. The city *is* having issues but NOPD has never had the number of officers cited by Neely in one of his guest star appearances on Fox News. As a notorious skinflint, he should just move into the Fox Washington bureau to save money. It’s where he spends most of his time, after all.

Neely is widely called Foghorn Leghorn by his Louisiana critics. It’s a good one but I don’t use other people’s nicknames. It’s a point of pride with me. I’ll stick to just plain Neely although he reminds me of this character from Walt Kelly’s Pogo comic strip:

That’s Simple J. Malarkey. The more observant among you will have noted the resemblance to Senator Joseph McCarthy another deeply cynical politician for whom lying was like breathing. Tailgunner Joe didn’t believe any of his own rhetoric, neither does Neely.

Given President Biden’s fondness for the word malarkey, it’s high time for a Simple J. Malarkey revival. Of course, John Neely Kennedy is anything but simple. His specialty is conning the simpletons by pretending to be one himself.

Finally, I’ve missed kicking Diaper Dave Vitter around, so I thought a picture of him with Neely as the featured image was in order. Vitter was equally cynical, but he never pretended to be stupid. His shtick was being the smartest wingnut in the room. I’m sure he approves of the call a crackhead commercial. It’s right out of the Vitter playbook.

Instead of calling a crackhead, Neely should consider setting up a phone line where people can call to hear his latest Neelyism:

Now, that’s retro.

The last word goes to XTC:

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