Malaka Of The Week: Sam The Sham Alito

You’re probably wondering what mega-asshole Supreme Court Justice Sam the Sham Sam Alito is doing in this feature. It’s not because of his cruelty and corruption, it’s for making tasteless “jokes” during oral arguments.

Schmuckery, cluelessness, and tone-deafness are essential components of malakatude. And that is why Sam the Sham Alito is malaka of the week.

There’s nothing worse than attempts at humor by people with no sense of humor. It happened twice during oral arguments in 303 Creative v. Elenis, which is a gay rights clashing with religion case. We know where Sam the Sham stands, but he tested out his inner Rodney Dangerfield yesterday. It was an epic fail.

Here’s how Dahlia Lithwick described Alito’s attempt to be funny:

 Justice Samuel Alito joking that Justice Elena Kagan might be more familiar than he is with the website AshleyMadison.com, in a hypothetical about professional photographers. AshleyMadison, of course, holds itself out as a meeting place for customers seeking to have extramarital affairs. Alito opened with, “JDate … is a dating service, I gather, for Jewish people … Maybe Justice Kagan will also be familiar with the next website I’m going to mention, AshleyMadison.com …” “I’m not suggesting,” Alito chuckled. “She knows a lot of things.”

Alito usually voted with Justice Scalia; so much so that they were often referred to as Scalito. Alito is no Scalia. The latter and Justice Kagan were friends. Scalia would have never demeaned her by kicking down and “teasing” her about a cheating web site for men. There, I said something nice about Antonin Scalia. That’s how low the current court has sunk.

Back to Ms. Lithwick:

Alito responding to a Ketanji Brown Jackson hypothetical about an all-white Christmas photography package (asking whether it would be discriminatory, which it would be) with his own hypothetical, bizarrely about a Black Santa at the mall who is faced somehow with a child dressed up in a KKK outfit. Alito is trying to probe whether Black Santa should not have to be photographed with the KKK kid: Haha. “If there is a Black Santa at the other end of the mall and he doesn’t want to have his picture taken with a child who is dressed up in a Ku Klux Klan outfit, Black Santa has to do that?” he asked. The spectators laughed uneasily as Alito joked: “You do see a lot of Black children in Ku Klux Klan outfits, right? All the time.” See, if everyone’s dignity and humiliation is hilarious, then nobody’s is serious. Except Lorie Smith’s, apparently.

Oy just oy.

It’s not funny, it’s racist by anyone’s standards. It’s flat-out disgusting and a clear violation of SCOTUS conduct norms. Alito will, of course, get away with it. Norms aren’t what they used to be.

In the wake of Dobbs, Sam the Sham has acted as if he’s a swinging dick, instead of a legal nerd from Jersey. He thinks he’s Mike Fucking Hammer fer chrissakes. He looks more like an Italianate version of Mr. Peterson from the Bob Newhart Show:

Mr. Peterson was played by John Fielder who was a professional nebbish because of his mousy looks. He was also one of the Twelve Angry Men.

Sam the Sham should stick to being a straight man. His jokes are from hunger. And that is why Sam the Sham Alito is malaka of the week.

The last word goes to Fleetwood Mac:

One thought on “Malaka Of The Week: Sam The Sham Alito

  1. a child dressed up in a KKK outfit
    Alito doesn’t even know the difference between Halloween and Christmas.

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