I have a one-track mind this morning. I’m still pondering one of my best posts of 2023 thus far: The Talented Mr. Santos.
It felt good to come up with a perfect analogy to Santos in the world of pulp fiction and film.
If you’re wondering where my coverage of The Talented Mr. Santos goes from here, I give you:
An answer key will be provided at the end of the quiz. Feel free to cheat. It’s what George would do.
Additionally, some of the answers may be truthful, others will be jokes and outright lies. I want The Talented Mr. Santos to feel at home if he sees this.
1. Which of the following was a pseudonym used by George Santos?
A. Leonard Zelig.
B. Anthony Devolder.
C. Tom Ripley.
D. Forrest Gump.
E. Walter Mitty.
2. Which historical event did George Santos LIE about being involved in?
A. He claimed that his mother died in the 9/11 attack.
B. He claimed that he spoke at the 1/6 Stop The Steal Rally.
C. He claimed that he had Jewish relatives who escaped the Holocaust by fleeing to Brazil.
D. He claimed that four of his employees died in the 2019 mass shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando.
E. All of the above.
3. What clothing item did one of George Santos’ former roommates claim he’d stolen?
A. A MAGA hat so Santos could pretend to be the Impeached Insult Comedian.
B. White tie, top hat, and tails so Santos could pretend to be Fred Astaire.
C. A genuine Air Force bomber jacket so Santos could pretend to be a decorated pilot.
D. A Burberry scarf so Santos could pretend to be Prince Harry.
E. A Yankees cap so Santos could pretend to be Derek Jeter.
4. Which Santos claim below is TRUE?
A. He attended Horace Mann, a fancy prep school in New York City.
B. He worked for Goldman Sachs.
C. He founded an animal rescue charity that saved 3K critters.
D. He was married to a woman but not to obtain a green card.
E. None of the above.
5. Which of these politicians is The Talented Mr. Santos’ hero?
A. Barney Frank.
B. Richard Nixon.
C. Jair Bolsonaro
D. Donald Trump.
E. Himself.
6. What is Santos’ favorite movie?
E. Zelig.
7. What crime is Santos accused of in Brazil?
A. Stealing a Carnival float and wrecking it.
B. Fraud by check kiting.
C. Impersonating the pretender to the Brazilian throne.
D. Literal public malakatude.
E. Burglarizing Brazilian teevee network SDT in search of the Bozo the Clown archives.
8. What is Santo’s favorite hit song?
A. The Great Pretender by The Platters.
B. Liar by Three Dog Night.
C. Lyin’ Eyes by The Eagles.
D. The Macarena by The Bay Side Boys.
E. YMCA by The Village People.
9. Who Is Santos’ business hero?
A. Jay Gould.
B. Charles Ponzi.
C. Bernard Madoff.
D. Ivan Boesky.
E. Donald Trump.
10. Who Is Santos’ favorite current member of Congress?
A. Marge Taylor Greene.
B. Matt Gaetz.
C. Lauren Boebert.
D. Kevin McCarthy.
E. Himself.
THE QUIZ KEY:
1. B: He went by Anthony Devolder while living in Queens. His friends called him Tony D; not to be confused with Tony B from The Sopranos.
2. A: He made all that shit up.
3. D: The scarf part was true. I made up the bit about Prince Harry.
4. E: He made all that shit up.
5. D: He’s hoping for a pardon if Trump returns to power.
6. C: Beats the hell outta me, but The Talented Mr. Ripley inspired his First Draft nickname.
7. B: He wrote a hot check to a haberdashery.
8. E: It’s played at every Trump rally. Santos is frantically sucking up to the Kaiser of Chaos.
9. E: These answers were in chronological order with Trump the most recent villain.
10. D: KMac all the way. If he turns on The Talented Mr. Santos, George is doomed.
That concludes The Talented Mr. Santos Pop Quiz. I expect everyone aced the test since cheating embellishing was encouraged.
The last word goes to Three Dog Night: