Dick Joke

statue of David
Oh no, it’s a marble weiner. Look away, children, before you are corrupted!

I will begin this piece by stressing that I do not think that all Floridians are insane. I know some Floridians personally, and they are not insane. But nary a week goes past without more evidence that the Sunshine State is lurching dangerously close to 1930s Germany with nicer weather.

The latest evidence of Florida’s gradual decline into an authoritarian state ruled by a white boot enthusiast is a principal of a charter school, Tallahassee Classical School, being fired over a teacher showing a sixth-grade class a statue of David. Yes, that one, created by Michaelangelo and considered one of the greatest works of art ever created.

Also, the one where you can see David’s weiner, his John Thomas, his ying-yang, and if you want to be technical, his penis. This was an outrage, said three…yes, three…parents, and they demanded that the sight of the greatest work of art ever was too much for their kids, so heads, as it were, had to roll.

If you have been paying any attention to the happenings down in Florida, you know that Sacrimonious Little Prissy Governor Ron DeSantis is on a kind of rampage against anything that is not white Christian. Trans people, gay people, Toni Morrison books, etc. are all in his sights. Gov. Ron has all sorts of allies in his quest to turn the Sunshine State into the Uptight Nazi State, and one of them is the person who led the charge to dump this principal, Barney Bishop III.

Bishop III, who has an oddly appropriate last name, recently was interviewed by Slate. He seemed to work very hard at making those of us who are not crazed right-winters hate Barney Bishop II for bringing this barely sentient pile of pig poo into the world.

Ol’ Barney is the board chair of the Tallahassee Classical School hissself, and is roughly about as pleasant as a chair made out of splinter-filled boards. Barn checks off all the boxes for a right-wing shithead in that interview. He was dishonest, of course. Whether the principal was fired or “forced out” is BS semantics. He was rather stupid. He was pissy, whiny, and paranoid, complaining that the printing of an interview of his own words was somehow misrepresenting him (and he took the interview!).

The scary thing about all this is there was no huge outcry to fire the principal over showing the statue. This was just three parents who caused a person to lose their job, and Bozo Barney defended that as how they do it in Florida. This means that if you are an educator in Florida, a very small number of parents can have you fired, which is not great for recruiting teachers.

The statue of David is not naked for any sexual reason. Renaissance artists were fascinated by the beauty of the human form, and Michaelangelo set out to portray that beauty and pretty much nailed it. If you are a charter school with a goal of classical education, it is very difficult to teach Renaissance art without showing any nudity. The problem is, paintings and sculptures alike from that time period are filled with nude depictions of the human body.

The bigger problem is Republicans like Barney who cannot seem to get their mind out of the gutter, and who have not seemed to mature beyond 10. This is, as always with Republicans and insane, reprehensible thinking, nothing new. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft, whose existence is bad news for anyone delusional enough to think there were “reasonable Republicans” in the recent past, had the statues of justice covered up because of nudity.

Would anyone be shocked if the parties involved in firing the principal are caught up in some sort of sex scandal in the future? That seems to be par for the course for Republican moral crusaders. Meanwhile, given nudity is part of art both modern and classic, I guess museums are next in Florida for the Protect the Children crusade. Can’t have the innocents seeing a wee-wee or a nipple.

The last word goes to Joan Baez.

One thought on “Dick Joke

  1. Well, he is white, but, he isn’t Christian. As also much of the Floridian electorate is not. Remember how things went for Mr. A. Gore when he didn’t carry his own state. And for the rest of us, I would add.

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