Adrastos, Congress, Florida Man, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks

The Curious Case Of The Florida Wine Tosser

Matt Gaetz has been out of the news since the speakership vote. I haven’t missed him, but he missed the spotlight. He made a big splash the other day:

“Gaetz was at a wine and food festival in Miramar Beach, Florida over the weekend when a woman allegedly threw wine and shouted some swear words in his general direction. The woman, 41-year-old Selena J. Chambers, claimed to police on the scene that she accidentally tripped and spilled the wine on Gaetz, but some witnesses offered contradictory statements. Chambers did admit to police that she recognized Gaetz before the incident and had been drinking.”

Drinking at a wine festival? Imagine that.

I might have tossed my cookies instead of wine if I saw Matt Gaetz and his perpetual smirk approaching. One detail the stories on the incident miss is whether it was red or white wine. White boy whine was clearly involved.

One could even call what happened the day of whine and posers:

Any excuse to bring Henry Mancini, Johnny Mercer, and Frank Sinatra into the mix.

There’s more:

“The details of the encounter matter less than the fact that the unharmed Gaetz decided to press charges against Chambers, who now faces two counts of battery, one a misdemeanor and the other a felony charge of battery on an elected official. Chambers was released after paying her $1,000 bond Sunday morning.

The incredibly brave Matt Gaetz released this statement to explain things:

“I will never allow the safety of Northwest Floridians to be compromised,” Gaetz said. “I will be pressing charges against this individual in order to uphold the civility our community deserves. Thank you to the Walton County Sheriff’s office for taking swift action.”

So, the man who was the ringleader of what I called a Frat Boy Tantrum In The House is now the guardian of civility? Oy, just oy.

I still want to know what kind of wine was tossed. Was it this shit?

If it was red, red wine, the stain could be permanent much like the stains shits like Gaetz have left all over the body politic.

Matt Gaetz has driven me to post a song written by Neil Fucking Diamond. That merits a return of this image:

It was a DUI arrest. I wonder if Gaetz tossed anything. He’s not as tough or funny as Bluto but, then again, who is?

The New York Post had an interesting take on the wine tossing incident: Feminist Author Charged After Dumping Wine On Rep. Matt Gaetz At Florida Wine Festival.

According to the Murdoch owned tabloid, accused wine tosser Selena Chambers has written feminist horror fiction as well as a tome about the Babes In Toyland album, Fontanelle:

Given the source, I’m uncertain if that part of the story is true, but I hope it is.

Writer and punk rock chick? Gaetz probably thinks Handsome & Gretel is about him.

One would hope Selena Chambers would be more imaginative than throwing a drink at someone who has already been doused:

“In 2019, Pensacola resident Amanda Kondrat’yev was sentenced to 15 days behind bars for throwing a drink at Gaetz as he left a local restaurant. In that case, Gaetz asked the judge to sentence Kondrat’yev to jail time, arguing probation would be too lenient.”

Why would Gaetz bother to press charges? The attention and, as pointed out by Dave Weigel:

The Firebrand podcast? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s enough to make me want to throw a drink at this smug prick if I ever run into him. Hopefully, that will be never.

We conclude The Curious Case Of The Florida Wine Tosser with the obvious last word. It goes to Eric Burdon & War:

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