Now that I’ve rejected Trumpelstiltskin as a nickname for Federal Defendant Trump, it’s time to lean into an old favorite: the Kaiser of Chaos. It debuted on July 31, 2017, then became one of my top three Trump nicknames. I’ll use all three in this pithy post.

That nickname is rooted in Trump’s many similarities to the last German Kaiser, Wilhelm II. They’re both tantrum throwing Teutonic twits. More importantly, they’re both losers with dreams of returning to power. Kaiser Bill never did: my money is against the current model’s revanchist fantasies.

I’m rolling with Kaiser because of this zinger:

“Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.”

That came from a from the ruling in a 2021 executive privilege case. The author of said zinger was Judge Tanya Chutkan to whom the coup case has been assigned. I said something similar before the Kaiser of Chaos stood astride our national politics like the OG Godzilla:

The President is not a hereditary monarch who holds the title even after abdication. The people are sovereign, the sitting President is the temporary occupant of the White House.

I should apologize to Godzilla. He had redeeming characteristics; the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian has none.

I’m waiting for the racist insults to roll in about Judge Chutkan. She’s Jamaican American and was appointed by President Obama in 2015. Will Trump speak in Jamaican dialect when he name checks the judge at his next rolling Nuremberg rally?

I know they won’t play this Jackson Browne classic or the Los Lobos version or is that los Los Lobos?

Today is the Kaiser of Chaos’ third arraignment in four months; not even the crookedest mob boss can top that. The media is determined to make a thing out of this nothing burger. My ex-cable news wife Rachel Maddow will bring her resting pout face to MSNBC today to cover the arraignment. It’s good to be cable news queen or king for that matter:

It’s expected to be peaceful outside the E. Barrett Prettyman federal courthouse in DC where the ugly man will be arraigned. Former President* Pennywise stopped calling for crowds after previous appeals fizzled. One reason that happened is tough judges like Tanya Chutkan. She threw the book at Dipshit Insurrectionists in her courtroom. Ironies abound: Judge Chutkan used to be a public defender.

I try to avoid direct Hitler comparisons but Trump hopes to turn the rolling coup plot that exploded into the Dipshit Insurrection into his Beer Hall Putsch. That was a failed attempt to seize power in Bavaria but fueled Hitler’s rise to power.

It will be fascinating to see how the three and counting trial dates will be juggled. The shouting indictment gives me reason to think that Team Smith wants to try the coup case first. The purloined papers case is strong, but some delays are inevitable because it involves classified documents and secrets.

I have some unsolicited advice for all the Trump case judges: TELEVISE IT. These cases are too important to be covered by sketch artists and reporters who can’t take notes in the courtroom.

Let’s sum the events of the day up in a pithy aphorism: Ugly man arraigned at Prettyman courthouse.

Let’s close with our arraigny day theme song. The last word goes to The Jayhawks: