I hadn’t planned to write about the Contemptuous Mr. Costello again. Then his testimony blew up in the face of Team Trump. Fox News pukes such as Jonathan Turley predicted that Costello would be a “killshot witness.” As always, Turley was wrong. One of two B-words best describe the Costello effect: backfire or boomerang. That’s why I call him the Accidental Prosecution Witness.

Costello claims to be an eminent criminal defense lawyer. He comes off as a professional asshole. He reined in his contempt for Judge Merchan but aimed it at prosecutor Susan Hoffinger who was unphased by Costello’s disdainful arrogance. Her cross-examination of this mook was one of the highlights of the trial.

Costello’s role as the defense’s sole substantive witness was to discredit Michael Cohen. Instead, Costello revealed himself as a blustering bully who tried to coerce Cohen into hiring him as his attorney. It didn’t work in 2018 and didn’t play well in 2024:

“Mr. Cohen testified that Mr. Trump had ordered him to buy the silence of the woman, Stormy Daniels. And he said that he suspected that Mr. Costello was trying to ensure that he would not cooperate with prosecutors after the hush-money deal came to light in 2018. Mr. Costello, Mr. Cohen noted, was close with Mr. Trump’s lawyer at the time, Rudolph W. Giuliani.

On Tuesday, Ms. Hoffinger echoed that claim, suggesting that Mr. Costello was actually an agent of Mr. Trump working to prevent Mr. Cohen from flipping on the then-president.

She produced a litany of emails underscoring her point, including one in which Mr. Costello wrote to his law partner, saying, “Our issue is to get Cohen on the right page without giving him the appearance that we are following instructions from Giuliani or the president.”

That is exactly what they were doing. The Costello emails alternated flattery and threats, neither worked. Cohen had his bullshit detector set on max in his dealings with Costello as did Susan Hoffinger. Here’s my favorite exchange between the prosecutor and the Accidental Prosecution Witness:

“Costello complained to his law partner Jeff Citron that Cohen was not cooperating, believing instead that Cohen was “slow playing us and the president.”

“What should I say to this asshole?” Costello wrote. “He’s playing with the most powerful man on the planet.”

“This email speaks for itself?” asked prosecutor Susan Hoffinger.

“Yes, it does,” Costello told the court.

“You lost control of Michael Cohen?” Hoffinger continued.

“Absolutely not,” Costello replied.”

That’s bullshit. Costello’s goal was to keep Cohen on Team Trump and under the thumbs of Rudy and the Kaiser of Chaos. That effort bombed as badly as his testimony.

If Costello had not testified, the damaging emails would not have been admitted into evidence. Some killshot witness.

Donald Trump’s fingerprints are all over the decision to make Costello the lone substantive witness for the defense. The jury will have the holiday weekend to ponder Costello’s bluster and bullshit. They’re unlikely to view it favorably.

The Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian was never going to testify. The defense would have been better off to rest without presenting a case then begin the closing argument with something along these lines: We did not present a defense because the prosecution’s case is flimsy. I am glad they did not follow this sensible course, instead allowing Trump to be his own chief legal strategist. He’s no Roy Cohn, he just thinks he is.

Repeat after me: Everything Trump touches turns to shit. It’s why he’ll lose both the case and the election.

The post title was yesterday’s tagline. It’s inspired by the marvelous Anne Tyler novel, The Accidental Tourist, which became a terrific movie starring William Hurt and Geena Davis. Robert Costello’s testimony certainly put the hurt on the Trump defense. Thanks, Bob.

The Trump trial is dark until Tuesday, which is closing arguments day, then the case goes to the jury. I have no idea how long deliberations will take but if Trump is convicted it will be, in part, because of the decision to put Robert Costello on the witness stand. Thanks, Donald.

The last word goes to Aimee Mann: