The featured image is of Jack E. Leonard. His nickname was Fat Jack, and his mouth was as big as his belly. He was a Borscht Belt insult comedian. I thought of him when I coined my original nickname for Donald Trump, the Insult Comedian. It ranks with Willard Mittbot Romney among my nicknames. My stock line about the Mittbot was that he wouldn’t be our first robot president. Unfortunately, Donald Trump became our first insult comedian president.

Back to Fat Jack Leonard. I remembered his shtick but forgot his devotion to tanning. That makes him a perfect match for a president who thinks looking like The Joker is attractive. It is not. His face has become as ugly as his soul. Inner beauty is not his jam.

In the early days of MAGA madness the Insult Comedian was fond of saying, “I have the best words.”

That was, of course, untrue: everything about Trump is a lie. Projection is his jam. Nearly everything he says about others is true of him. I should have said very true, but I try to use that word as little as possible. There are better words than very: You better, you better, you bet.

The list began life focused on standalone words, then I realized that Trump’s limited lexicon is nothing without some of his stock phrases. That’s why three phrases kick off the list. I couldn’t punt on them; I can, however, pun on them.

Enough with the pre-game. I give you:

The Insult Comedian’s Top Ten Favorite Words 

NUMBER TEN: Believe me was Trump’s go-to phrase during his 2016 campaign and early days of his first administration. It’s become rarer with time. That’s a pity: It’s a tell that he’s lying as is this weird accordion thing he does with his hands:

You say accordion. I say Squeeze Box. Let’s call the whole thing off:

NUMBER NINE: Fake news is used when Trump blasts the mainstream media or berates reporters for asking pertinent questions. It was named word of the year in 2017 by the Harper-Collins Dictionary. Has Donald ever opened a dictionary? Beats the hell outta me.

NUMBER EIGHT: Witch hunt is a phrase the Kaiser of Chaos slathers over everything like ketchup. He is convinced that he’s the most persecuted in person in history. The only witch hunters currently active wear long red ties and MAGA caps.

NUMBER  SEVEN: Tariff has been called the most beautiful word in the language by Trump. Oddly enough, it may be the reason that Project Dictator fails. It’s damaged the economy and relationships with many nations including the best neighbor in the world, Canada.

NUMBER SIX: Scam. President Pennywise is a con artist, so the word scam rolls off his tongue. In fact, he’s the most successful flim-flam man in history, only Bernie Madoff is comparable. Trump thinks he should be king, so this Becker and Fagen classic fits him like a glove:

NUMBER FIVE: Loser is the Insult Comedian’s stock insult. He should look in the mirror: His refusal to admit defeat in 2020 led to the Dipshit Insurrection and endless litigation after he lost to Joe Biden. The election deniers are still out there working on my last nerve. What a bunch of sore losers.

NUMBER  FOUR:  Rigged is the word used by the Kaiser of Chaos and his mindless minions to describe anything that goes against them. It’s what they’re hoping to do in the 2026 mid-terms. Fuck that and fuck them.

NUMBER THREE: Hoax is typically modified by Democrat in the Trump lexicon. Its most recent application was to the Epstein mishigas. Trump calling it a Democrat hoax got him in deep shit with the Epstein survivors who he refuses to meet.

I wonder if the title of this tune is why he thought Taylor Swift might endorse him. Discuss amongst yourselves.

NUMBER TWO: Beautiful is the rare positive word in Trump’s vocabulary. He uses it so much that the pukes at Politico did a listicle of fifty times this ugly man used the word beautiful. The list was compiled before the passage of the so-called Big Beautiful Bill, which filled Democrats with despair:

NUMBER ONE: I, Me, Mine. The Insult Comedian is such a malignant narcissist that I couldn’t choose between those three words. It also gives me an excuse to give the last word to The Beatles: