The dog days of summer have degenerated into the silly season of politics. It’s July and all the talk of Trumpmentum and feeling the Bern is premature to say the least. Not a single vote has been cast, all we have are polls. Remember when Herman Cain was the GOP frontrunner in 2011? I’m not big on predictions but if I had a ranch or farm I’d wager that the general election will NOT pit Trump vs. Sanders and that neither of them will be on the ballot in November, 2016.

I will still be surprised if Trump stays in long enough to face the voters. What happens if he finished second or third in a primary? By his own lights, he’s a LOSER. He’ll come up with some sort of pretext to drop out. It will have nothing to do with his big fat mouth, but I think it will happen. Guess I just made another prediction,  if I’m wrong I’ll be a LOSER and Trump doesn’t like LOSERS. If you don’t buy that, there’s an amusing what-if Trump runs his mouth as an independent candidate piece by Peter Dreier at TPM Cafe. Never gonna happen: that would make him an even BIGGER LOSER even if he’s worth TEN BILLION DOLLARS.

I have finally come up with a way to characterize the Trump candidacy. In 2012, I characterized Willard Mittbot Romney as running to become our first robot President. I was quite proud of that. Here it goes: Donald Trump’s goal is to be our first insult comedian President. He reminds me a bit of Andrew Dice Clay who also had no filter, no class, and an ego as big as his mouth. Trump doesn’t have the class to be compared to the great Don Rickles and anyone who does will have to deal with me. Hell, he’s not even as classy as Jack E. Leonard whose nickname was Fat Jack. Trump does remind me of this guy:

Triumph has more class than Trump though: he’s housebroken and the Donald keeps shitting on the GOP’s rug. A few of them are starting to rub his nose in his shit but he’s going to keep pissing all over everyone as long as he gets attention. It’s all about Trump’s ego. Btw, now that I’ve seen his hair at a variety of different angles, I’m convinced that it’s the world’s most elaborate combover. Additionally, what reputable toupee company would make something that resembles a dead nutria only without the orange teeth?

On to the Democrats. I’ve been a bit cranky the last few days because so many people *assume* I’m for Bernie Sanders and are shocked when I tell them I’m not. I hope I’m not pissing off the cool kids but I’m more interested in electing a President than in being pure, especially since the other party has gone bonkers. There’s a lot of wishful thinking on the part of many Sanders supporters. I don’t do wishful thinking when it comes to Presidential politics. The candidate seems to be more realistic than his supporters and seems to be enjoying the ride while it lasts. The chances that a 73 year old Independent Senator from Vermont will be the Democratic nominee are slim, and at some point, Slim is going to leave town. Hmm, sounds like a country song by, uh, Slim Whitman…

I almost apologized for not feeling the Bern but why should I? I’m more of a practical liberal than a starry eyed progressive. Fundamentally, I belong to the party of getting shit done.  People are excited about the big crowds Sanders is drawing but let’s see how he does when votes are actually cast.  Crowds ain’t votes. As the Senator from Vermont, he’s bound to get at least 25% of the vote in New Hampshire so I’ll believe he’s for real if and when he gets votes in more diverse states. I think his real goal is to influence Hillary on the narrow range of issues that are important to him. It’s one reason he’s refrained from personal attacks. I applaud him for that.

I am, however, glad that Sanders is running. Frontrunners who are unchallenged get complacent and rusty, especially when it comes to debating their general election opponent. It even happens to incumbent Presidents on their way to re-election as in the first debates in the 1984 and 2012 campaigns. I’m not as thrilled as the MSM is about a Hillary-Bernie tussle but that wouldn’t be possible. I *almost* feel sorry for O’Malley and former GOPers Chafee, and Webb. The key word is ALMOST but I won’t go all Trumpian on their asses and call them LOSERS, they’re ALSO-RANS. I have a sore throat from all the shouting, damn you, Donald Trump.

I may not be supporting Bernie Sanders but he’s a serious man who should be treated with respect. But the Donald is {name your deity and add a possessive S in this spot} gift to satirists everywhere. He will never become our first insult comedian President.