A selection of posts, diaries, comments and rants from the blogosphere, Jan. 4, 2008:

1. My candidate won! My candidate is TEH WINNAR! WHOOO! Beer! Fukken’ yeah! We’re on the way to a new America, motherfuckers, one which only my candidate can bring us, and all you other losers will come along eventually, but you’ll never know the glory of having been here, at this moment, with us, at this time, before everyone else knew my candidate was the coolest. So even if you support my candidate, you’ll still be a loser! Yeah! Whooo!

2. My candidate would have come in first, if not for dirty tricks by your candidate. Your candidate blatantly stole ideas from my candidate, as is evidenced by Stump Speech 42, Paragraph Three, Sentence 24. I mean, please, it’s so obvious: “leadership?” Who uses that word besides my candidate? It’s like your candidate wasn’t eventrying to disguise his moral bankruptcy. Your candidate is a terrible person, a lying liar who lies and steals things. You should be ashamed to be supporting your candidate. If I were you, I wouldn’t even be happy my candidate won.

3. My candidate is just too AWESOME to win. The MSM, the Bush administration’s secret elections black-ops teams, and the FBI would never LET my candidate win. If my candidate had won, he would unleash a TIDE OF AWESOME so overwhelming it would remake this country in one fell swoop, and you couldn’t HANDLE that, so of course my candidate had to lose. In fact, this loss affirmsmy his coolness in a way a win never could. Anybody canwin. Not everybody can be THAT AWESOME.

4. My candidate lost because all of you are stupid. Have fun in the concentration camps, chumps!

5. I never intended for my candidate to win. My candidate’s job is to raise issues, not get all dirty and sticky and down in the “politics” of elections. My candidate may become your candidate’s VP, if your candidate is very, very, very lucky, but for now, my candidate exists to show you why yours is inadequate without him.

6. How can you possibly care about an election right now? Don’t you know it’s all worthless? Don’t you know there’s no meaning to the process, that America is just a cruel joke perpetuated on the weak-minded by the puppetmasters of the corporate/media/government monstrosity and about to be taken over by illegal immigrants and turned into an Islamic republic of Muslim-y Muslims? How is it possible that you can do something so useless as tocaucus, much less volunteer or (shudder) donate? I mean, don’t you have blogs to comment on? Jesus, what a bunch of sheep.

7. Chris Dodd is really kickass:*

A.

* First Draft only