Thursday Night Shopping Post

As a public service, can I just say one thing?

Short-sleeved turtlenecks are stupid.

First of all, there’s not a single person no matter how thin who isn’t made to look like a sausage by them. Second, either it’s cold enough for a turtleneck or warm enough for short sleeves. It cannot be both. It is a matter of physics. And justice.

Third, oh my GOD, it’s fucking winter. I should not have to go to Major Rock-Climber Mountaineer Elk-Hunter Catalogs Monthly in order to get something that will keep me warm enough for my 20-minute on-foot/bike commute. I should not have to import a wool sweater from Ireland. It doesn’t even get that cold in Ireland. It gets colder here than it does in Ireland, so why is Ireland equipped for the weather here and the stores here are selling peasant shirts made of gauze in November? And short-sleeved sweaters? Who gave Isaac Mizrahi the good crack? Do I need to go back to sewing my own stuff? Is it that hard to make warm things that are both cute and widely available to the general public for a price not equivalent to the going rate for a human baby?

Well, is it?

A.

15 thoughts on “Thursday Night Shopping Post

  1. scout says:

    I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. And that began after the second line.

  2. r@d@r says:

    good call. i actually find short-sleeved turtlenecks to resemble the clothes that people dress their dogs up in. if one wore a short-sleeved turtleneck while bald, i…i guess i wouldn’t know what to say.

  3. Sandia Blanca says:

    Uproarious, A! Try Land’s End Overstocks–lots to choose from at good prices.

  4. Athenae,
    are you going biking/walking in daylight?
    If so go ahead and get the short-sleeved turtleneck.
    Stop down the local thrift store and pick up an oversize sweatshirt that doesn’t clash.
    You know where I’m going with this — cut it open down to the bottom-band, roll the edges under and handkerchief-hem them.
    Punch holes in and run a shoestring through, like a pirate’s blouse.
    There.
    It’s warm, adjustable, and nobody will steal yours.

  5. racymind says:

    4 seasons a year I go to the clothing stores in the mall and all I can think is “who buys this shit?”
    Of course, I also say that in the grocery store. And the dollar store. And the tile outlet. And the bed/bath store. And the shoe store…
    But most of all I say it when I watch FOX News

  6. joejoejoe says:

    Campmor has a nice catalog, kind of like low-rent REI. I don’t know if they have ‘cute’ but they have simple, quality, functional, warm clothes. Check out the hot clothing deals. You’ll look awesome in tangerine capri cargo shorts – only 5 bucks. Add some lederhosen and you’re cuted out.
    http://www.campmor.com

  7. BuggyQ says:

    Much as I hate to say it, I’m becoming addicted to Eddie Bauer. Their turtlenecks (with real sleeves) are actually long enough they stay tucked in. And they have these gloriously warm flannel-lined jeans that got me through the back-to-back blizzards last year. Expensive, yes, but yummywarm, oh, yeah. They also make me look a bit…well, wide, but I’ll live with that.
    I seem to be on the really expensive clothes catalog list, lord knows how, and I have been getting the Sundance catalog. Wayyyyy cute, and wayyyyy out of my price range. Hello, Target? Could you maybe take a page from these folks, but make the stuff affordable? *That* would beat Isaac Mizrahi all to hell.
    Seriously, how many real people out there want their midriff to show? More importantly, how many people *should* have their midriff showing? Designers, take pity on us.

  8. pansypoo says:

    how about SLEEVELESS turtlenecks?!?
    LL Bean and land’s end is perfect for turtlenecks/mock necks and such.
    i like end of season overstock time.
    course once the cold starts, i rarely can manage to keep warm. many many layers. most of my sweaters are vintage wools. or ones i knit myself. forget design, wear classic. you won’t look stupid in pictures in the future.

  9. CybScryb says:

    Perhaps the clothing retail giants are just trying to prepare our wardrobes for the coming climate change. I took a couple of marketing courses in college while trying to decide between journalism and advertising copywriting (ended up a technical writer) and one of the topics discussed was how to sell one of the big three (food, clothing & shelter) IN SPITE of things. That is, how to make your products relevant and palatable without discussing the bad news related. Hence short-sleeve turtlenecks to remain somewhat comfortable when winter temps are 20 degrees higher than normal, light-weight gauze shirts that are actually suited for what the weather will be like next year.
    Funny thing is I actually remembering running all over LA in the ’80’s trying to find a short-sleeve turtleneck for a boss who demanded one to wear for a meeting since he wouldn’t wear a tie. I was stunned and amazed to find that such articles of clothing existed.

  10. Elspeth R says:

    Well, I will *red facedly* admit that many years ago…I had a fling w/a friend…we were both hammered a hell. The next morning I looked in the mirror and by golly I had a hickey the size of Dallas on my neck/shoulder region (I told you, it was HUGE). Oh, it was in July…do you know how hard and hurriedly I searched to find a lightweight shortsleeved turtleneck…in TEXAS?!?!! I helped pioneer the scarf movement that year. It (the hickey) took forever to dissipate. I should have kept his number…LOL!
    😉
    Elspeth

  11. slim says:

    I’m wearing a sleeveless turtleneck under a wool sweater right now, because in the PacNW it can be 34° in the morning and 75° in the afternoon (when it’s not raining). But it isn’t Chicago.

  12. slim says:

    Also, I swear bySierra Trading Post – a great source for overstocks from Lands End, J Crew, LL Bean, Patagonia, Water Girl, etc.

  13. Interrobang says:

    Funny, I was just looking at the little designer togs shop in the corporate mall under my office building, and they had a special on a pile of tops. There was a red turtleneck I liked, and a pile of sleeveless turtlenecks. I thought “What the hell kind of use is a sleeveless turtleneck?”
    Great minds think alike. Fools seldom differ.
    You pick. 🙂

  14. Ah, the *sleeveless* turtleneck aka the “dickey”. Yep.
    For wear under something — suit jacket, etc.
    (‘classy underdressing’ or some crap like that)
    I remember those from the first time I saw them and went WTH, O?
    (it was while I was in JR HI and didn’t know about WTF yet).

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