Quitting Time Booster Shot

Welcome to the QTBS where we always close the deal:

– My great hope in life is to be arrested for something, have half of the media in the country cover it the way they normally do and then be acquitted of all charges as part of some huge screw up. That way, I can go on the road and talk aboutdumb-ass headlines like this one. In our system of justice, you are innocent until proven guilty. Thus, you’re never arrested “after” strangling someone or “for” killing someone. And putting the word “allegedly” in the first paragraph isn’t making this any better. I read somewhere once that the word “allegedly” is the word that helps libel lawyers pay for their second yacht.

Similarly, I’m waiting for the day someone builds an uzi that looks like a Super Soaker so that no one will be able to do anything short of pointing fingers at each other and yelling “bang!”

– See? Where some people find misery, financial ruin and horror, other find opportunity!They’re called robber barons…

– Yeah, you can call it fairness, if you’re an idiot. Or you can just call it censorship and be honest about it. Or, if you’re feeling particularly jaunty, you can call it the generation of kids who grew up under helicopter parents who never let their precious babies fail at anything and so they never tasted the bitter tang of opposition, anger or just plain “no” getting pissy because they can’t control the student paper…

– From the “here’s a cautionary tale” file:The story of Todd Marinovich, the robo QB whose father forbid his mother to eat salt while she was pregnant, kept the kid out of McDonald’s his whole life and developed an amazingly complex workout regime for the kid while he was still in the crib. What happened? The kid became a heroin addict, of course…

– The newspaper business is so screwedeven the guys who make the paper can’t catch a break!

– From the“This is almost too easy” department: Hillary Clinton is scoring points with foreign nationals by admitting George Bush screwed up. Two questions: One, how does she have enough time to cover it all or is there like a “greatest hits” album the speech writers built for her and Two, where’s the cookies and punch for the FD crew?

– We found out this week that Twitter has a reference in the new Associated Press Style Manual. So does “Tweets.” One of the kids, who had interviewed one of these thumb-typers found a quote in which the source called his followers “tweeple,” which strangely enough didn’t have an entry. This devolved into a conversation regarding whether people who followed 50 Cent were his “Tweeps.” Somewhere, Vanilla Ice is casting this into a lyric…

– And finally, “Is we learning yet?” The banks are apparently trying to get out from under the federal loan program by borrowing from other federal loan programs. This is like the kid you roomed with in college who kept paying off his Master Card with his Visa or vice versa every other month. The banks have called this a scarlet letter, and that consumer confidence is shaken if you’ve taken money from the government. Hey guys? My confidence is shaken by you being generally greedy and stupid about this whole thing. The main reason you’re trying to repay this crap is because the government has limited your pay and put all these unreasonable demands on you like not flushing our money down the toilet for your own benefit. I’d rather bury my 401K in a mayonnaise jar in the back yard right now than let you and the rest of the slow class touch it.

Thanks for letting me share your air. Be back next week.

Doc

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