26 thoughts on “Weekend Question Thread

  1. 1)Here…(cough cough)
    2)No doubt
    3)Put it on my “tab”
    4)”insert name of asshole/bad song/shitty movie here” sucks ass!
    5)Hey! It was broke before I touched it.

  2. Yes, I associate “Jesus tits” with Athenae!!
    The people I run into seem to ignore my own phrases and like those I pick up at places like this. Nurses seemed to like “EPIC FAIL” when I started with that.
    But, I tend to say things like:
    “And your point is…? ”
    “Fuck that” (followed by “noise”, “shit”, “crap” or other improvised pronoun)

  3. Well, once you eliminate the profanity…
    1. Dude… (used to be “sir,” non-gender-specific, but “dude” invited fewer corrections)
    2. Holy crappinnannygoat! (not mine–a dear friend invented it, and I shamelessly appropriated it)
    3. I meant to do that…
    4. Eeee, I’m all sticky… or “owowow” (I’m kind of accident-prone.)
    5. Danger, Will Robinson! (with flailing arms)

  4. 1. Brain Fade
    2. OhHELLno!
    3. Shit (and all synonyms)
    4. Incipient Alzheimer’s (usually a self reference)
    5. Silly all over (stolen shamelessly from my 4 year old grandson who was describing me to his friends at pre-school)

  5. 1) Fantastic!!!
    2) Fabulous!!!
    3) Fantabulous!!! (For the really freakin’ awesome things)
    Others in no particular order.
    Like a chicken on a junebug.
    Like a sucked thumb on a dirty baby. (For how something stands out)
    If you’re waitin’ on me, you’re backin’ up.

  6. “I concur”
    “Awesome with awesome sauce”
    “bastard” (which is about my favourite insult; I ought to know, being as my parents weren’t married when I was born!)
    Apparently the most striking “speech act” I have is a facial expression, or at least that’s what my friends tell me (and then proceed to try to invoke). It’s usually caused by my hearing something that makes me think something along the lines of “You have to be shitting me; I can’t believe I’m actually hearing this and when did the world decide to do this [to me] and why would anyone do that [whatever] in the first place…?!”

  7. BuggyQ- If you eliminated the profanity, I would have practically no list. (Hurrah for the lexicon of New Jersey Public Schools.)
    1) “Quoi?” When “what!?” just doesn’t seem to cut it. (h/t to Eddie Izzard on that one. i.e.”[The French audience] had that look on their face of, “Quoi?”)
    2) “Feck!”
    3) “Bugger.” Or for variation, “Oh, buggerall.”
    4) “Oh heck.” (I have found recently that “heck” is somewhat more satisfying then the more explicit alternative.)
    5) “My train of though seems to have derailed.” (that one’s all mine.)
    Honorary Mentions: “Fuckin A”, “Augh” (spelled ala Peanuts) and “Squee”

  8. 1) NICE! (like an exclamation, stolen from my friend Anthony in Brooklyn)
    2) It’s a skill, like anything else.
    3) Monkeys eat dirt…if you make them. (related to “If pigs had wings…”)
    4) I could really go for a nice bag of coke right now. (originally a joke with my friend Raul from El Salvador about ‘to-go’ soda pop served in a baggie with straw in Central America, fun to say in an office setting around the bosses).
    5) If you want to taste the city, you have to lick the streets.

  9. 1. It could always be worse.
    2. Double Americano, medium to-go cup, 4 ice cubes.
    3. You moron.
    4. You’re a smart guy, don’t be so fucking stupid.
    5. Good night, Irene.

  10. 1. No worries.
    2. Right on!
    3. Seriously?
    4. Really???
    5. Fuuuuuckkk!!!
    Not necessarily in that order… ;’)
    At this particular time – “SHUT YOUR FUCKING YAPPY-ASS DOG UP!!!!!” to my neighbor with the overly vocal Jack Russell that is loose in the pool area. It’s piercing.
    Why can’t people be responsible pet owners? You live in a g’damned apt. complex w/others living there – shut your dog the feck up!!!

  11. 1) You’re going to kill me. I’ll be dead and you’ll be the one to have killed me.
    2) Ohhh, GOD.
    3) For goodness SAKES…
    4) Shame on you!
    5) I can’t READ it right now. I am DRIVING this car. What happens if I take my eyes off the road? (Answer: We get in an accident.) That’s RIGHT. So I CANNOT read the bottom of your Matchbox car right now!!!!!
    Gee, can you tell I’m a mom or what? Pre-mommyhood, the sayings were laced with much more profanity as well.

  12. ‘Oh for God sakes’ and ‘God help me’…for when I encounter people who try my patience
    ‘You’re killing me’
    and one that isn’t really funny, but my friends laugh because I say it when I’m making an excuse for forgetting something or not doing something and intend it as a joke – ‘I think the cancer has spread to my brain’

  13. 1. Whatevs
    2. Go Fuck Yourself (usually screamed at TV)
    3. Are you fucking kidding me?
    4. Christ on a crutch!
    5. What the fuck???
    At least I’m consistent.

  14. 1. “You’re not understanding me.”
    2. “Slow down, take a deep breath.”
    3. “Whatever possessed you to think that was a good idea?” (ditto)
    4. “I’m going to have a nervous breakdown now.”
    5. [See liprap’s #5]
    Not all of these are directed at my children . . .

  15. Well, anyone who’s been within 3 cubicles of me while I’m debugging code has heard “Oh, fuck me naked!”, as has any of my friends when I’ve become aware of some fuck-up on my part.

  16. that’s what God invented (xyz) for …
    Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
    Romeo Charlie Foxtrot in a Cluster!!!!

  17. 1. “Let me gin something up” (re: writing).
    2. “Exactly” (in answer to either/or type question).
    3. “Per-fect.” (Means “not perfect.”)
    4. “Happy 53d Birthday” (written on every greeting card at work, e.g., baby showers, engagements, retirements, even occasionally birthdays.”)
    5. “Try not to be an ass.” (Advice to all young people, always. Old people, too, for that matter.)

  18. 1. I hate people! [generally used when driving]
    2. This sucks more than anything has ever sucked before.
    3. Are we having fun yet?
    4. I need a drink.
    5. I love my meaningful and fulfilling career. [A., if Mr. A. had a dollar for every single time he heard me say that when we were working together, the two of you and the ferrets could be living on your very own tropical island!]

  19. 1. Sweet Monkey Jebus! (Thank you Homer Simpson for “Jebus”)
    2. Jeezum crow! (Both of these are really just irreverent variations on taking other people’s Lord’s name in vain.)
    3. (Man-oh-)Manitoba!
    4. Faar foooook’s sake! (I swear at traffic in a Scottish brogue, because I can)
    5. Directed epithet, choose from one of the following:
    – A. Pigfucker!
    – B. Fuckwit!
    – C. Bungmonkey!
    – D. Dickface! (alternately pronounced with an accentaigu a la Dr. Beardface from “Scrubs”)
    Yes, I am a strange fucker.

  20. 1) Jesus fuck.
    2) For fuck’s sake.
    3) What does that even mean?
    4) You Christofascist!
    5) Aaaargh!

  21. I’ve had to clean up my verbal outbursts since L. came along, so my ubiquitous “FUCK! SHIT! JESUS CHRIST!” has become a paddock of nonsense curses: “FUDGECICLE! SHISTE! CHRISTMAS ON A CRACKER!”
    Now that he’s 10, though, “crap” and “goddamnit” are making a comeback…

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