Malaka Of The Week: Bud Selig

Bud Selig listens for his master’s voice.

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig could be a charter member of the malakatude hall of fame, schmuck division. He was selected Commissioner because his fellow owners thought that they could control him. They were right. Bud has a weak chin and I bet his handshake feels like a dead fish and he has a spine like a jellyfish.

Selig has presided over some of the changes that baseball purists such as me dislike. My personal bete noir is the wild card and the LDS, which sounds like Mitt Haircut’s church to me, y’all. It’s too late in the year to be playing baseball: it was fucking cold in St Louis last night. Selig also played ostrich during the steroid era and then tried looking stern when it blew up in his pasty face. Bud is not only a malaka, he’s a serious fuckup. We won’t even go into the canceled World Series and the game’s obsessive focus on money, money, money during his tenure as the owner’s puppet.

I originally picked Buddy boy for this week’s “honor” because ofthis story at Deadspin.Selig initially refused to allow Dirk Nowitzki to throw out the first pitch at a Rangers home game during the Wolrd Series out of solidarity or some such shit with NBA owners during their lockout. Apparently, Buddy takes orders from David (the Hoops Napoleon) Stern too. Then, inclassic Bud Selig fashion, he flip floppedand Dirk the great will throw out that first pitch, after all. Selig is resolute in his irresolution. Buddy has a rare gift of bringing people together: former President Beavis and I agree on this one. Thanks, Buddy Malaka.

I won’t even go into Selig’s days as the owner of the Milwaukee Brewers. Doc knows a helluva lot more about that than I do. Suffice it to say that he had the wrong stuff there as well. Now that I think of it, Bud Selig is one of the luckiest people on theface of the earth, earth, earth: he’s not very bright and is a perrenial fuckup but has somehow failed his way into success. I’m not sure if that makes any sense but it does make Bud Selig malaka of the week.

8 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Bud Selig

  1. I’ll bit my tongue on the rest; but I will point out that without Bud Selig, there is quite likely no baseball team in Milwaukee for anyone to run well or ‘fuck up’.

  2. OK, my tongue slips on one more bit; last night was October 19th. The absolutely miserable game 6 of the 1982 World Series played between the Brewers and the Cards in St Louis was also played on October 19th in lousy weather, and there was no LDS to blame for that. But Selig was there as well, so he probably did something to cause the rain.

  3. @robertearle: Last night was Game-1 and the Series will *almost* extend into November. Btw, I don’t think Selig is to “blame” for much of anything: he’s a lackey not a leader.

  4. “It’s too late in the year to be playing baseball: it was fucking cold in St Louis last night”
    If October 19th “is” too late to be playing baseball, then it “is” too late whether it is game one or game six. So how do you blame bad October 19th weather on Selig when baseball as far back as 1982 (and likely earlier) was being played that late into the year?
    (Had the Brewers beaten the Cards, the game would have been in Milwaukee, where the weather last night was even worse. Of course, it would have been played inside Miller Park’s retractable roof…which exists thanks to…)

  5. Was Bud really the driving force for Miller Park? Not that I was paying much attention at the time, but I mostly remember “fiscal conservative” Tommy Thompson pushing really hard for the project and some sort of marathon session/late night vote.
    I also remember Hank Aaron going to Madison. But I don’t remember Selig doing much besides staying out of the way, which was probably a good thing.

  6. Selig was the owner of the team (as well as acting MLB Commissioner) while the funding for the stadium was being put together, and the hard-fought tax bill to help pay for it was working its way through the state legislature, and was still the owner when construction began. Team ownership was still (nudge nudge wink wink) still ‘in the family’ when the stadium opened.
    So, yeah, I’m pretty sure he played a role in getting it built.

  7. Here’s a Washington Post article from 2004 – using Miller Park as a cautionary tale in context of building a new stadium in DC – that fleshes out (oh boy, does it!) Selig’s role, Thompson’s role, and their relationship with regard to Miller Park.
    Adrastos – Instead of writing ‘Selig is ugly and stupid and smelly and nobody likes him’, you could have included some of this.

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